Facebook Finally Starts Putting Your Personal Data To Good Use, Officially Launches Dating App

Ol’ Zuckerberg is at it again.

Tired of getting rejected on Tinder? Tired of getting rejected on Bumble? E-Harmony, Plenty of Fish, fucking Farmer’s Only… are you using all them and still no luck?

Well today’s your lucky day because Facebook has just announced plans to roll out a new Facebook dating service, cleverly named, “Facebook Dating.”

Officially launching in the United States on Friday, Facebook Dating will have many of the same features as other dating apps, but one interesting feature is that by default, it won’t show your profile to any of your Facebook friends. Phew. The app will also integrate Instagram into the platform so you can add stories and photos for a real-time look at your life. The “Secret Crush” feature will let you select 9 secret crushes and if they mark you the same, you’ll both receive a notification. So instead of quietly stalking each other from afar, Facebook is going to make the introduction for you. Your new favorite wingman.

In a press release, Facebook announced how they aim to change the online dating game by offering a more dynamic approach to constructing your profile:

Today people are asked to make a decision as to whether or not they like someone immediately based on a static profile. To help you show, rather than tell, who you are, we’re bringing Stories to Dating. This format lets you be authentic in a way that a typical dating profile can’t, and it helps you get to know someone before and after you match.”

And the best part? With Facebook’s already shady as fuck privacy practices, they’ll be hooking you up with hyper-compatible mates in no time. Now, instead of just selling all your personal information to companies trying to sell you shit and influencing elections, they can actually start to use your date and easily find you a good match… it’s actually pretty mind-blowing they didn’t think of this before.

Your life is about to change forever… congrats on the sex.

Whiskey Riff is the most entertaining country site…ever.