I mean, he can’t shotgun a beer for shit, but other than that, the guy is amazing.
Recently, Dale Jr. asked Twitter to complete the sentence: “I was so drunk once that I…” and then on an episode of his Dale Jr. Download podcast, he answered that one himself with a few stories that would make even your dumbest moments sounds like child’s play.
One story in particular was back when Jr. first met his wife Amy and decided to go drunkenly race go-karts at 2 in the morning.
He rode her off the road and into a creek, yet somehow, they wound up married a few years later.
Then, later on in the podcast, Dale talked about the time he branded his own arm with a steak brander and pissed in a closet.
Man, I’d love get drunk with Jr. and just listen to him tell stories like this… maybe make a few of our own.
“Me and her, when we first started dating, we had been partying with friends for hours. Everybody went home, and we weren’t tired. And I said, ‘Hey, you know what’d be good?’ Me and her had just started dating, and I said, ‘Have you ever raced?’ You know, ‘I’ve got these go karts, and we can go race.’
I’ve got this small, little, tiny road course track. It’s kind of shaped like a kidney. I was like, ‘It’s right next to this creek, and we just finished it probably a couple months ago.’ And she was like, ‘Yeah, let’s go! Let’s go check it out! Let’s go race, I’ll do it.’
And so we got on these [go-karts] at 2 o’clock in the morning, and, I mean, it’s dark. We’re racing, there’s no lights at this track. … There was a building on one end of it, so that was the only light that we had was sort of the corner lights off that building shining across it.
I ran into her in this corner, and she didn’t lift off the gas. When I hit her, she just mashed the throttle wide open and just held it and almost went into the creek.
She went over the berm that was sort of the protective berm to keep people from going into the creek, and the back tire got hung up on the root [of] this tree that was kind of growing out of the side of the bank of the creek. And she’s literally hanging into the creek, and it’s like six [feet] down.
It was straight down into this creek, man. And it scared the hell out of me. I jumped up, she’s laughing. I thought I done ruined this relationship right here. She’s going to be so mad that she doesn’t want to see me again.
So we had that going on, and then one time I peed in a closet.”