The Older You Get, The More “One Drink” Makes No Sense

“Want to grab a drink?”

If you’re anything like me, hearing this question gets you all tingly inside. Often times your inner self puts plenty of effort towards telling yourself not to drink. You sit there asking yourself “what’s the point?” and telling yourself “you’ll be so happy you didn’t when you wake up without a hangover.” But, that’s not how my brain works.

A kitchen with a sink and a toaster oven

My brain works likes this…

I want to grab a drink, and I know if the right person asks me, this “drink” actually means 12 drinks and fun. I want it to happen, but I don’t want to be the one to pose the question. This is because I don’t want to feel guilty (and like a degenerate). So, you set your friend or significant other or whoever up in order to have them ask you the question – “hey, wanna grab a drink?”

And when they do, your adrenaline skyrockets, your heart starts pounding, you’re firing on all cylinders and ready to drink like it’s the last day Earth exists. You’re not an alcoholic, you just like to have fun, because that’s the right thing to do in life. Right!? Right?? Right.

A black coffee maker on a counter

This whole idea as you get older of having A DRINK like you’re some normal person is quite simply the dumbest fucking thing ever.

I’m 28, so I’m getting to the point already where I can’t just have A BEER or A GLASS OF WINE. One glass of wine, and stopping, means I’ll crash so hard you’d think I took 9 Tylenol PMs chased with Melatonin. I just can’t do it. Now, if you have one glass of wine, then two, then three, and the serotonin starts flowing you start looking at life differently, you don’t give a fuck about those bills for a hot second. You’re ready to have a good night and deal with the bullshit tomorrow. The more I think about it, the more this makes the most sense. I’m not crazy, I know a lot of you are thinking right now “holy shit, he’s right, that’s me.”

A kitchen with a sink and a toaster oven

Why waste the 10 bucks here and there, if it’s just empty calories, getting you excited for no reason? Save all those one drink moments, for the nights you have 14 beers and 8 shots of well tequila. Those are the nights worth living for, and the nights you’ll happily deal with in the morning.

One drink? Psh.

A beer bottle on a dock


A beer bottle on a dock