Oregon Man Wheels Deer Carcass Into Walmart To Distract Security While He Steals Beer

How ’bout that?

Roseburg Police said Jesse Canida entered Walmart on Monday, October 30 around 12:20pm with a cart full of empty cans and a deer carcass.

Police said Canida was intoxicated and picked up multiple 24 oz beers and attempted to conceal them among the other things in his cart. They said when loss prevention attempted to get the beers back from him he refused, and so officers were called and met him at the back door of the store.

Canida was cited and released. He was described on the police log as a transient

Cited? That’s it?

If I pulled a stunt like that here in Chicago, I’d probably get shot. However, looking at this guy, I’m not surprised one bit that he would be the type to try and wheel a deer carcass into a Walmart in order to cause a distraction and steal some beer. If I were a betting man and you lined up every single man and woman on planet Earth, I would still bet that this was the guy that would do something like that.

Execution was poor, but he had the right idea. Maybe if you’re thinking of robbing a bank, drag a deer carcass in there and see what happens. When nobody is looking, because they’re distracted by the deer, sneak into the vault and take all the money.

Now playing: The Town 2, starring Ben Affleck and a dead deer.

Boom.

Whiskey Riff is the most entertaining country site…ever.