You don’t know what it is, but it comes on you fast. It sucks. It’s scary. It’s life changing.
Everything changes after the age of 26. The hangovers are near-death, your body clock changes, you can barely stay awake long enough to reach the time the “pregame” used to start.
Here are 30 signs you can’t drink like you used to…
30. You find yourself saying “this is too sweet” about 90% of the cocktails you order.
29. You currently own Ibuprofen, Alka-Seltzer, Pepto, and Emergen-C.
28. Is this a hangover or do I have the flu?
27. One or two beers now makes you think “why do I feel fucked up right now, I only had two beers.”
26. You tell the waitress to “keep the waters coming.”
25. You’re so excited about staying in, you buy candles for your Saturday night Netflix watching.
24. You keep asking yourself “am I too old to be here?” when you’re out.
23. And, you hate everyone around you while you’re out.
22. You drink a lot of clear alcohol.
21. You’ll notice the unsanitary habit of a bartender.
20. You fall asleep in places that aren’t your bed at 6pm.
19. When you go out it seems like everyone is always bumping into you.
18. Is the music really loud in here? Why is my hair vibrating?
17. You mentally and physically prepare all day leading up to the night’s drinking. Workout. Carbs. Healthy fats. Electrolytes.
16. You need a Red Bull or coffee midway through the drinking festivities.
15. You start asking yourself “what’s the point?” while you’re out.
14. There is no “pregame” anymore. There is just the game and the game is to drink as fast as possible for as short a time as possible and be in bed by 9pm. If you don’t leave the house by 6pm, you won’t even go out.
13. You like establishments with rickety bar stools that are cash only.
12. If you are out, your attention turns to what you’re gonna eat around 11pm.
11. You buy Pediatlyte when you know you’re gonna be hitting the booze hard.
10. You love sipping on good bourbon, when a few years back you couldn’t even sniff the stuff.
9. One shot at the wrong time WRECKS you.
8. “Rallying” is very rare these days. VERY rare.
7. You prefer watching your favorite sports teams in your own house.
6. You bring a koozie with you to bars.
5. You buy “going out” clothes, only to return them a week later.
4. You’re more excited about waking up without a hangover than you are about going out.
3. Sometimes you just can’t go out. Physically, you just can get yourself to do it.
2. When you walk by crowded bars sober, you cringe at the thought of rubbing shoulders with these sweaty beings.
