Unlike Riley, who did actually play football in college, Zach has never played football before. He has apparently been training for his big concert with Carolina Panthers running back Christian McCaffrey, though.
He even chronicled some of his training sessions on Instagram stories, along with tweeting out a few updates, and he wants a shot at a spot on the team:
If anyone needs me the next two weeks please don’t text I will be doing nothing but working and working out for four hours a day, going to be the next walk on rookie for the Carolina Panthers
So, there might be a little more work to do, but honestly, the Panthers seem to forever need a player for any given position who is half way decent (besides Christian McCaffrey, of course).
Being a fan of them is hard. I don’t really recommend it.
Since Zach’s willing to give it his best effort and wants a shot at the NFL, let’s take a look at his scouting report:
What you need to know: Zach stands at about 5’10” and has a pretty athletic build. Though there are no official numbers on his weight, I’m thinking with his stature and muscle power, he’d probably make a decent fullback. Plus, that would allow him to work in tandem in the backfield with Christian. A win-win if you ask me.
He doesn’t have any football statistics to go off of in terms of rushing yards or touchdowns yet either, but he does have two stellar full-length albums and a hell of an EP under his belt. And, with his previous training for the US Navy, that should give him an edge in terms of reading routes and figuring out play calls.
Strengths: We all know he can pen a damn good country song and make us all cry into our beer when we need it the most, so you can bet he’ll have a decent trash-talking game and hold his own out there on the field. Considering the Panthers went 5-11 and finished 3rd in the NFC South last season, someone with a little fight and personality might do them a whole lot of good.
As aforementioned, Zach does have the physical and mental training of a true warrior to boot. He’s defended our country and the values of the United States, so it seems to me like he stands a pretty good chance at taking good care of the pigskin, too.
Weaknesses: He knows absolutely nothing about football.
Intangibles: Seeing as he’s both an extremely passionate and incredibly gifted musician, as well as a well-trained member of the military, he’ll play with his head and his heart. He has that rare combination of talent that NFL scouts and owners alike spend years trying to find.
Player comp: Let’s go with Derek Watt here.
To be honest, this started out as a joke, but I think I’ve convinced myself that the panthers need to sign Zach Bryan… a man who has never played football a day in his life and admittedly knows next to nothing about it.
Like I said, you’d be hard-pressed to find a decent season from the Panthers in the last ten years or so, maybe even longer than that (other than the 2015 Super Bowl where they inevitably choked in the last few minutes).
We’ve taken a gamble on plenty of over-hyped players that end up being complete busts, so why not try something different? We’re really a “throw it at the wall and see if it sticks” kind of team.
I hate to say this, but signing a player who doesn’t know how to run corner or fade route or potentially how many quarters are in a game truly would not be the worst idea that the Panthers have ever had… We tried to make Jimmy Clausen our franchise QB back in 2010.
But, I digress. Enough of me shitting on my favorite team.
Let me make this short and sweet: sign Zach Bryan dammit.
And if you want a glimpse of him in a panthers uniform, take a look at this: