This is Cyrus Wittig.
Cyrus is from Arkadelphia, Arkansas, which I thought was possibly a made-up place, but no, it’s totally real. And somewhere near Arkadelphia, there’s a Waffle House where Cyrus was sentenced to spend the next 24 hours as fantasy football punishment.
Ladies and gentleman, The Waffle House Challenge.
It sounds simple enough, right? Show up for breakfast, eat a few waffles, wait until lunch, eat a few waffles, stay for dinner, eat a few waffles and go home? Sure, it’s a whole day at Waffle House, but they got some kind of jukebox, some nice people working there, maybe the occasional slice of bacon to switch up the sweet and salty. Can’t be that bad, right?
Wrong…
Good strategy, skip the fatty butter, keep the syrup light.
Like I said, switch it up. Need that salt fix to combat the sugar rush. This doesn’t seem like his first rodeo.
But wait, some 6 waffles into this mess and he hits a wall. A brick fucking wall.
Multiple people have asked… unfortunately this is not a “Coach Carter” situation where I can have friends eat waffles on my behalf. This is my mountain to climb, my cross to bear, my devil to devour
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
Shoutout to my girls! pic.twitter.com/nypXEcBc9K
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
The count is 8
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
It is 4 PM. I arrived at Waffle House at 9 AM. My whole body hurts. My efforts are futile.
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
HUGE timing. The screaming children left just as I’m going back on offense. No crowd noise
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 6, 2020
Ok I think that was a blessing in disguise. My stomach is re-settled. Final waffle coming up in 10
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 6, 2020
Me walking into Waffle House for dinner tonight pic.twitter.com/7fgaGdVfCZ
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 7, 2020
An epic journey no doubt.
One he was kind enough to bring the rest of us along for, seeking nothing but pure entertainment at his expense. And despite the odds, he emerged on the other side, victorious. And you thought the guy that had to watch Cats dressed as a cat had it bad?
Take notes for next year folks.
