Nobody cares about the matchup between Tennessee and Iowa…
This is going to shock you, but the Hawkeyes’ historically inept offense, it turns out, failed to score a single point! A total disgrace to the sport. The Volunteers rolled to a 35-0 victory.
I’m happy for Vols wideout Ramel Keyton, who signed a Cheez-It NIL deal, got a Cheez-It shaved into his hairdo, and went out on New Year’s Day to put up a team-high 51 yards receiving. Sorry to say, Ramel, but you were outdone on this particular day. I wrote in that Keyton post about how non-College Football Playoff bowl games need to embrace weirdness as much as possible. Otherwise, the vast majority of America will pay no mind to any of them, especially with all the opt-outs diminishing the quality of the matchups (see: Florida State, L, 63-3 to Georgia).
Good on Cheez-It for taking a page out of the Pop-Tart Bowl mascot playbook, only not as morbid. They had the grand stage of a massive Cheez-It box at Camping World Stadium in Orlando on Monday, and my goodness, what a sight to see!
OK maybe it was a little darker than expected in the end, when Rodger Sherman tracked down the talisman and consumed so many of his brethren!
Indeed, the Cheez-It mascot dubbed Ched-Z was not, himself, edible like the one in the Pop-Tart Bowl who haunted all of America.
The extreme high-top shoes are a nice touch, as are the fully red tights. Why does a Cheez-It need shades? I couldn’t tell you. Here we are nevertheless.
Oh, and in case Citrus Bowl attendees wanted to evacuate their bowels in abrupt fashion to purge their systems from New Year’s Eve partying — or from watching Iowa try to play offense — the concession stand at this joint had them more than covered.
I considered giving this whole setup alone its own spotlight/standalone article, but it’s a beautiful merger of the Pop-Tart/Cheez-It concept. Imagine being hungover as f*ck, pulling up to the Citrus Bowl, scarfing down a Cheez-It chili dog, plus mac and Cheez-It nachos.
Then, picture washing that down with a Pop-Tarts ice cream sundae, and capping it all off with, um, “dessert”, a Pop-Tarts banana pudding.
PS, here’s the grand finale to the Pop-Tart Bowl, ICYMI:
