Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
It’s that time of year again. We’re officially in December, which means that if you haven’t started binging all of your favorite Christmas movies, you better get started because you only have 25 days left.
And sure, there are some great Christmas movies. Obviously the Home Alone series is a classic (and by that I mean the first two movies…ain’t nobody settling down with their family to watch Home Alone 5: Lost In The Grocery Aisle or whatever terrible sequel they’re coming out with these days).
There are also the classics. Your A Christmas Story, It’s A Wonderful Life, Miracle On 34th Street, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer…
And some more recent Christmas movies have even become staples, like Elf, The Polar Express, Jingle All The Way and even Jim Carrey’s terrible adaptation of The Grinch. (That movie sucks. Don’t come at me).
But on this day 34 years ago, the greatest Christmas movie of all time was released…and none have been able to top it since.
Of course I’m talking about National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
Every year around this time I get into heated debates, but this is one hill that I will absolutely die on: Christmas Vacation is the best Christmas movie ever made.
Chevy Chase’s portrayal of Clark Griswold is obviously great, and gets pretty relatable the older I get. Just somebody who wants to have a good Christmas with his dysfunctional family, but everything keeps going wrong.
But the rest of the characters are some of the absolute best in modern cinema. I mean, Cousin Eddie showing up in an RV? Aunt Bethany losing her mind thinking that Clark’s house is on fire because of the 25,000 imported Italian twinkle lights? Classic.
The movie has also given us some of the most iconic moments of any Christmas movie. Like when Clark accidentally sends ice flying through his neighbor’s window:
“Why is the carpet all wet Todd?”
“I don’t KNOW Margo.”
Or when Clark has an all-too relatable Christmas meltdown:
“We’re going to press on, and we’re going to have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny f*ckin’ Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white a*s down the chimney tonight, he’s going to find the jolliest bunch of a*sholes this side of the nuthouse.”
Of course the best scene has to be Cousin Eddie emptying the septic tank from his RV into the street in his bathrobe. “Shitter’s full!”
The movie’s just an all-time classic with so many quotable moments. And who can’t relate to the stress of trying to give your family a good Christmas pushing you to the brink of insanity?
Maybe it’s just because my family is as dysfunctional as the Griswolds. Or maybe it’s just because I’ve seen it so many times that I can recite every word of the movie.
But you’re not going to convince me that there’s a better Christmas movie out there than Christmas Vacation.
