Words fail me to describe the incompetence of Chicago Bears head coach Matt Eberflus.
In my many moons of covering sports, I’ve seen megalomaniacs like Josh McDaniels flame out. I’ve even seen the Nick Siriannis and (maybe?) Jonathan Gannons of the world overcome awkward, bad press conferences to get their players to play harder for them than I could’ve otherwise imagined.
But Matt Eberflus? My man, you have a 5-21 record as a head coach. Your ability to lead an NFL team is, at best, in serious question at this point. Now you’re talking about your starting quarterback, Justin Fields, approximately 24 hours from kickoff against the Panthers and can’t give a straight answer on his medical status?
“Can’t give a straight answer” is being way too generous to Eberflus. I chose “lead” in the headline for lack of a better material, simply because Clark Kent / Superman is notorious for being unable to see through it. The Last Son of Krypton’s mightiest willpower and heightened perceptions, combined with Batman’s unmatched detective would not come close to decoding whatever the f*ck Eberflus said.
Eberflus served up a word salad, tossed in a dressing of contradictions, masquerading as unexpired-but-totally-actually-expired roughage.
Maybe it’s the too much coffee / lack of food ratio for me today so far, but I legit feel like I have vertigo after listening to this man speak. I guess I need to transcribe what THE FLUS IS LOOSE said. That’ll require me to listen to the audio again. Please pray for me.
“He’s not medically cleared to go right now… he’s getting better though. Accuracy is improving, he’s throwing it better. He’s starting to do more and more and more, so we’ll see where it goes. Right now we’re listing him as doubtful…”
I’ll use italics to type out some reporter questions. Eberflus will continue to get the bold treatment. Let’s make this a little fun. Or try to…
“If he’s not medically cleared, how come doubtful versus out?”
“Yeah just to see. We gotta give him one more day. Give him one more day. But he’s, uh, he’s working hard. And, uh, it’s getting better every day. So we’ll see where it goes.”
“He’s not playing tomorrow?”
“Yeah he’s not playing.”
Some more awkward exchanges between reporters. The man who pressed Eberflus on the “not playing tomorrow” point desired further clarification.
He got nothing of the kind:
“The chances are doubtful, 51% that he’s in or out. And it’s gonna be…we’ll see where it is. We got a little time left, but again, we’ll declare him out when he’s out.
Right now, we’re still listing him as doubtful.”
Ummm… ?????
I can’t emphasize enough how cooked this guy’s brain is. Like quite seriously Jack Skellington style. If he wasn’t the prohibitive favorite in the latest “next NFL coach fired” odds, Eberflus just shot to the front of the pack with this doozy of a presser.
Eberflus is as in over his head as any coach I can recall. There’s not even a whiff or pretense of passable competence. He’s a snowflake in a snowstorm in the Windy City. Just getting blown every which way but, uh, the correct way?
My brain is scrambled from how scrambled Eberflus’ brain is. Hard to even make logical jokes about the situation. Here’s a good succinct summary:
Long story short, Justin Fields isn’t playing on Thursday…
I THINK? BUT I DON’T KNOW FOR SURE. DO I??
I imagine Fields will be ready to roll in Week 11, with a little extra time to rest that injured thumb. Why bother with the “doubtful” designation when you already openly admitted that Fields is going to be out? Only Matthew Charles Eberflus knows for certain.
