Usually when you get an album review, it’s mostly complimentary bullshit even if the music sucks.
But not when you get an album review from Ol’ Wheeler. He’ll tell it like it is – and if the album sounds like dogshit, he’ll tell you all about it.
Wheeler’s been trying to give more popular country music a try, because clearly the man behind classics like “Finger In My Butt” and “Eatin’ Pussy, Kickin’ Ass” is nothing if not open minded.
So for Wheeler’s New Music Friday series, where Wheeler “listens to a shitty album and reviews it so you don’t have to,” he recently dove into Tyler Hubbard’s Dancin’ In the Country EP.
Now, Wheeler and Hubbard obviously have some history together, with some saying that Wheeler was responsible for the breakup of Florida Georgia Line.
I’m not saying that we have Wheeler to thank for FGL breaking up, but I’m not saying we don’t either.
But anyway, now that the duo has gone their separate ways, they each have their own solo projects, and Wheeler gave his thoughts:
“This week I’m reviewing the new EP from one half of the worst country duo of all time, Florida Georgia Line. His name’s Tyler Hubbard and he looks like…something’s wrong with him.”
Wheeler also discovered a trend with the album:
“You know that look you give another dude when you’re about to fuck him up the ass? The cover’s like him looking like that right before he butt fucks somebody.
There’s a song called “5 Foot 9” which must be the height of the dude he butt fucked that inspired this record.
There’s another song called “Dancin’ In the Country” which is probably what he did after the butt fuckin’ happened.”
But like any good critic, even Wheeler was able to find one song that he didn’t totally hate:
“There’s a song called “Inside and Out” which is obviously about buttholes. So maybe that one’s ok.”
So what was Wheeler’s rating for the EP? Are the guys from Florida Georgia Line any better separate than they were as a duo:
“I give it zero out of 10. It’s awful. Do not listen to this.
If you listen to this, fuck off.”
At least he keeps it real. And let’s be honest, it’s going to be hard to top Wheeler’s catalog of hits like “Fucked By a Country Boy” or “She’s a Country Music Fan.” And “Tears In My Jizz?” Tyler Hubbard doesn’t stand a chance.