It’s that time of year again.
If you’re a golf fan, it’s the biggest week of the year as The Masters officially kick off from Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia.
And listen, I’m not much of a golf guy, never really watch it on TV, but even I usually tune in for part of The Masters. It’s more for the hype and the pageantry than the actual golf, but it’s hard to argue the prestige and mystique around the tournament.
Of course, fans of golf are quick to point out everything that makes The Masters so special: The tickets are notoriously hard to get, they ban cell phones on the course, the winner gets the coveted green jacket that they’re required to leave at Augusta National after a year, they may or may not pipe in fake bird noises, and the grass is meticulously hand cut and maintained by Italian virgins.
Ok, that last part might be a lie, but it feels like every year it’s shoved in our faces how amazing The Masters and Augusta National is and how impressed we’re supposed to be.
And nothing is hyped up more than the concessions.
I’ve already seen a million posts on social media gushing breathlessly over how amazing the concessions menu is, hyping up $1.50 egg salad or pimento cheese sandwiches like they’re a tomahawk ribeye from Ruth’s Chris.
Even Quinn, my co-worker here at Whiskey Riff, is on the record praising the concessions menu:
“And for those of you who think they are charging cheap prices because the food is subpar (ironically, subpar is good in golf), you are mistaken. I was fortunate enough to go a Masters practice round a decade or so ago, and every food item I tried was top tier. Granted, the food might have tasted better just because I was standing on the hallowed grounds… but I think that’s just part of it.”
And while Quinn is a great guy, one of my favorite co-workers and undeniably one of our best writers here, I’m not going to let him gaslight me any longer into believing that a pimento cheese sandwich is some kind of culinary masterpiece.
First of all, eating an egg salad sandwich while spending a day on the golf course in the Georgia heat just sounds like a recipe for disaster. Imagine standing on the green watching your favorite golfer getting ready to take his shot and the guy next to you has had a dozen egg salad sandwiches that all of a sudden aren’t sitting right with him. You’re telling me that getting gassed by egg farts is worth it because the grass is green and the sandwiches are only $1.50?
No way.
I mean, I get it, people are excited to see cheap concession prices, especially these days when a beer at sporting events regularly runs twice or three times the $6.00 cost at Augusta National. But has anybody stopped to think that the reason the concessions are so cheap is because…it’s an egg salad or pimento cheese sandwich and that’s all that it’s worth?
Let’s not act like The Masters offers cheap concessions so that the event is more accessible to fans. This is a tournament that relies on a lottery system to buy tickets for face value, and fans regularly go decades without getting selected for the opportunity to buy tickets.
The secondary market, while technically prohibited by Augusta National, features tickets for this year’s tournament for a whopping $2,000…for a PRACTICE ROUND today. If you want to see the actual tournament, you’re shelling out $10,000 for a single day. You’re telling me these people couldn’t afford a $6 or $7 burger instead of being forced to choose between sandwiches made of mayonnaise?
Not only that, but The Masters even sells kits for people at home to buy their own concessions for their watch parties. For $189, you can buy egg salad, pimento cheese, pork bbq and cookies for 12 people and have it delivered to your home. Or you could just buy a couple pizzas from Papa John’s that are going to taste WAY better than egg salad, if you’re being honest with yourself.
Maybe it’s because I’m not a golf guy and have never been to The Masters, but I just feel like I’m being gaslit into accepting that $1.50 pimento cheese sandwich is something that I should be amazed by, and that it’s some kind of culinary masterpiece that makes The Masters such a special tournament.
The best egg salad sandwich in the world is still…an egg salad sandwich.
And with apologies to my co-worker, I’m not going to be gaslit any longer. Enjoy your egg salad sandwich in the Georgia heat, but don’t try to convince me that I’m missing out by downing chicken wings while I watch from home.
