Florida Man Shotguns Four Loko, Then Lays Down Insanely Fast 5K Turkey Trot Time

turkey trot

This is awesome, but it also sounds so painful in the same breath.

We all know how the saying goes: You either belong to a family that runs 5Ks on Thanksgiving, or a family that starts drinking as soon as the Macy’s parade hits the TV.

Well, this kid combined the two together for a Thanksgiving experience unlike any other.

“I’m setting a world record today. Four Lo-K. We are doing a Four Loko shotty, then running a 5K.”

If you think hearing that intro to the video was painful, wait until you watch this man down the Four Loko gold edition tall boy.

Also, at this point in my viewing experience, I see that the username of this man is “Florida Man Jack,” and suddenly, everything makes perfect sense. The man is ready to race after the painful shotgun, combined with a bit of baby barf (yum).

“Alright, I’m going to start running.” 

While I so badly wish there was mid-race documentation and commentary on how he was feeling, what kind of buzz he had going while running, and overall notes on the race, the video cuts to the end of the race when we pick back up with Florida Man Jack.

He clocked in the 5K at 27 minutes and fifteen seconds, which means this man was putting down an eight-minute mile. Now, I know you runners reading this are probably laughing at my amazement with that number. However, for someone like me who is doing at least a ten-minute mile on a good day, combined with the fact this man DOWNED a Four Loko before taking off, yeah, I’m a little impressed.

You would have caught me violently throwing up in a bush half a mile in had I done what he did.

But apparently it wasn’t all smooth sailing:

“The burps are really bad on the second mile.” 

They are built different down there in Florida.

@floridamanjack FOUR-LO-K #turkey #turkeytrot #thanksgiving ♬ original sound – Florida Man Jack

Naturally, these comments are Pulitzer Prize worthy reads.

“Only turkey trot family I’d marry into.”

“He is beauty, he is grace.” 

“I wish my turkey trot was this lit.” 

“The FSU shirt makes sense.” 

“Good for the economy.” 

“America’s finest.” 

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock