Intimacy Ban LIFTED! There Will Be 300,000 Condoms In The Olympic Village At The Paris Summer Games

Paris Olympics
Nicolas Briquet/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images

Get ready to get busy if you’re a world-class athlete living in the Olympic Village this summer. Romance goes hand in hand with the city of Paris, and at the 2024 Summer Olympics, those participating in the Games won’t have to worry about their inability to f*ck any longer.

Olympians will have 300,000 condoms quite literally at their disposal for Paris 2024.

The intimacy ban at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics was based on concerns about the COVID-19 pandemic more than anything else. We all knew that ban wasn’t going to last long. Ope. There’s a cheeky intimacy reference for y’all. TMZ’s report shared some quotes from village director Laurent Michaud:

“It is very important that the conviviality here is something big…Working with the athletes commission, we wanted to create some places where the athletes would feel very enthusiastic and comfortable.”

Well-articulated, sir.

With 32 sports and 329 events at the 2024 Summer Olympics, there are a lot of participants to account for. Putting it in those terms, maybe 300,000 condoms isn’t quite as extreme as it initially seemed to me.

Can’t really remember the first time I heard about how much of a f*ck fest the Olympic Village traditionally is, but it makes a lot of sense that this is the case when you really think about it. Imagine being an Olympian, training almost every waking hour of your existence for a once-in-four-years shot at glory. Never mind the other events you’re doing for your sport of choice in the meantime, where you have to be in peak physical condition. Hard to find any days off, much less any time for fun stuff like sex.

Then just think about how disappointed these Olympians have to be by most of society. The whole “unrealistic expectations about body standards” problem that many would argue plagues the modern dating scene? Yeah. Can’t begin to grasp how complicated that issue must be for Olympic athletes. Chances are, they’re in way better shape than their prospective partners. They’re very much career-driven and singularly focused in a way most folks can’t relate to. How could they go on any sort of standard date and be remotely attracted to any of us common folk?

So yeah. These fine people arrive to Olympic village, connect on a personal level of just how damn hard it is to get to the Olympics in the first place, and everyone is attractive and in absolutely killer shape? No wonder so many slam bodies together like some series of sensual gladiatorial clashes. Sex is like the athletes’ unofficial second sport when they arrive to the Olympic Games.

All I ask is that we get Snoop Dogg to be the official Olympic Village correspondent. He’d be all over that beat.

I have no real frame of reference for this international news segment on the Paris Olympics lifting the intimacy ban, but it’s either excellent deadpan parody or brilliantly delivered, matter-of-fact reporting. Maybe it’s a blend of both. Whatever the case, high comedy in my opinion.

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock