Merry Christmas from all of us here at Whiskey Riff!
If you are reading this, God bless you, because you are likely right in the middle of the trials and tribulations of Christmas Day. There are not enough classic Christmas movies, NBA basketball, NFL football, and spiked eggnog to get a mere mortal through the day.
So allow this story to give you something that’s more valuable than any present that could have been laying underneath your tree this morning: Time. On a day like today, time seems to go by both fast and slow, and you certainly don’t get a lot of it to yourself.
That’s where this story comes in. Feel free to have it in your back pocket, and use it at your disposal whenever you might need it today. There’s not much rhyme or reason to it, other than for you to tell everyone you are around that you “need a second,” and then you can momentarily retreat into whatever fortress of personal solitude is available (garage, bathroom, attic, woods, etc.).
If someone were to ask what you would need to be reading on Christmas Day, deploy any of the below tried and true excuses, and they should buy it:
-Checking on an Amazon shipment for a present that was supposed to be in before Christmas
-Note from your boss explaining when your “Jelly of the Month” subscription should kick in
-Looking at old family photos and reminiscing on past Christmases, while also trying to find “that one photo” you’ve been looking for this holiday season
That last one is a great excuse, because no one in your family is likely to open up the emotional can of worms that situation could become. Plus, you could just keep saying “where is that damn photo” under your breath, and it provides an endless amount of time to yourself.
And as we now reach the end of this “Christmas Story,” I’ll also provide to you a banger of a song to help you get through today. It’s likely one of the best pieces of Christmas music to ever exist, and if anyone asks why you are listening to Alabama’s “Christmas In Dixie” alone in the bathroom, just pull out the ol’ “this song means a lot to me.”
They won’t inquire with any further questions, and it’s weird of them to ask what you are doing in the bathroom in the first place…