It’s that time of the year where Mariah Carey comes out of her cryogenic chamber to promote “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” and people start sharing what kind of music they listened to during the past year thanks to Spotify Wrapped.
In fact, a person that lives near you that you probably know really well has taken to their social media to share every painstaking detail about what music they consumed in the past 12 months. By sharing the statistics about the music that they care about, they are truly changing the world, or at least they assume that they are.
While the friend was posting their Spotify Wrapped on every form of social media that they are signed up for, they ran into another friend that unfortunately got caught up in the Spotify Wrapped crossfire. After briefly catching up, and asking how each other’s loved ones were doing, the music-crazed fan decided to force her personal music statistics on another person, who literally could not care less.
The other person wasn’t able to come up with a valid excuse to leave, or put enough distance between them and their friend, so they were caught up in the flood of meaningless, boring app usage stats. When the Spotify-using friend told the other person how many minutes of music they had listened to for the year, and their top listened to artists, the friend tried their best to act enthused, and even hit the other person with a couple of uses of the phrase “that’s crazy.”
While scrolling through their top artists, seemingly showing off the variety and range of artists that they enjoy and wanting everyone else to know about it, they went back up to the very top of the list, which stated that they were one of Taylor Swift’s top listeners and biggest fans.
The Spotify user asked “How do they know that I’m such a Swiftie?” and before the other friend could explain that it’s all based on numbers, and that it’s actually a touch concerning that information that specific is being collected on every user, the Spotify user answered their own question and said “I’m sure Taylor would be so proud, I better tag her in this on socials.”
Finally, the friend that had ran into the Spotify wrapped obsessed person got away, but only for a moment. As soon as they got out their phone, and logged into Instagram and X, they were then met with an avalanche of other social media users sharing their Spotify Wraps and Apple Music Replays.
By the way, the only Spotify Wrapped that anyone is interested in is one that looks something like this:
And just so we’re clear, though this story is likely happening all over the country right now, I do want to be transparent and declare this as satirical. God help all of us as we cycle through everyone’s Spotify Wraps and Apple Music Replays and have to act like we’re impressed and interested.