Scorey Perry, indeed.
Connor Bedard is the talk of the town in the hockey world, and in Chicago where he has (properly) been anointed the savior of Chicago sports. That is, until Jed Hoyer and the Chicago Cubs pony up over half a billion for Shohei Ohtani (you gotta speak this stuff into existence). Manifest… Visualize… Make it happen…
The Bulls are a disaster, the Bears are still rebuilding (fire Eberflus), the White Sox are as unserious as a professional sports organization can possible be…. it’s bad in Chicago right now. However, about 20 games into the season, and despite being surrounded by a miserable cast of inexperienced players, overpaid Seth Jones, and now the competent veterans like Taylor Hall (ACL injury) and Corey Perry gone, Bedard has proven to be the golden boy that we all thought he was.
He’s leading all rookies in points, has handled the media circus with poise and maturity, and being just a few months over 18 years old, he skates and shoots with the confidence of someone who has been in the league for a minute. And on top of all of that, Corey Perry f*cked his mom…
Ok, ok… that’s just a joke. Calm down.
The longtime NHL veteran and former Hart Memorial Trophy winner has mysteriously vanished from the team, after being a healthy scratch in Columbus last week. The team called it an “organizational decision” and said that he would be away from the team for the “foreseeable future,” however Perry’s agent said that he would be be stepping away to handle “personal matters,” making it sound like it was his own choice.
Blackhawks coach Luke Richardson told the media:
“There’s no update on that end. He’s away from the team and will remain so for the foreseeable future. I’m unable to provide any further update on that front.”
And when asked to elaborate, he said:
“It’s been a team decision, so far, to hold him out. It is coming from the organization’s end, yes.”
Ummmm…. so what happened? The Blackhawks cleaned house after the Kyle Beach scandal, which they seemed to collectively, as an organization, brush under the rug at the time, so it’s wild to think that they wouldn’t be transparent as hell with fans if something serious was really going on. And yet, we have no idea.
Are fans entitled to an explanation? Maybe not, and that can be a conversation for another time, however, as the old saying goes… “tight lips sink… the internet into a spiral of hilarious and most likely untrue conspiracy theories and rumors.” Ok, maybe that’s not an actual expression, but it’s still true. When you leave people to speculate, that’s how rumors get started.
Exhibit A: Corey Perry left the team because he got busted boning the golden boy’s mom during the annual mom’s trip.
Corey Perry did WHAT??? pic.twitter.com/loNoOeyLrr
— Tony Gunk (@real_tonygunk) November 27, 2023
Yup, the latest rumor burning up the interwebs is that 38-year old Corey Perry, AKA Scorey Perry, hooked up with Connor Bedard’s mom Melanie (a babe btw), and that’s why he had to leave the team. A wild and untrue rumor, no doubt, but nevertheless, Corey Perry is a top trending topic on Twitter right now, and people who don’t even watch hockey are gonna run with it.
And it’s downright HILARIOUS.
These Corey Perry and Connor Bedard rumours are wild… pic.twitter.com/PMc54RtRSq
— Matt Naish (@Naisher11) November 27, 2023
I choose to believe Corey Perry fucked Connor Bedard’s mom. The Blackhawks have been way too vague on the situation and it’s funny.
— reverend rico (@theericmoss) November 27, 2023
did you fuck my mom corey perry pic.twitter.com/vMK90ZatWx
— commie rae jepsen (@atrodorsus) November 27, 2023
connor bedards face when he walked in on Corey Perry and his mom pic.twitter.com/jc3f03zOaQ
— sara (@saratonin_12) November 27, 2023
i’m choosing to believe corey perry fucked bedard’s mom bc it’s funny idc
— m 🧚🏼♀️ (@spelunky_) November 27, 2023
The Blackhawks said they signed Corey Perry to to be like a father figure to Connor Bedard. In hindsight they probably should have been a bit more specific.
— Dudgee (@Dudgee) November 27, 2023
Corey Perry seeing Connor Bedard’s mother pic.twitter.com/nXZtd3RHjZ
— 𝕏 – Ross (@RossInBergen) November 27, 2023
Zach Wilson and Corey Perry at the next bookclub
pic.twitter.com/MEfcOj2Oom— Ryan Sura (@RyanSura18) November 27, 2023
Corey Perry was taking notes
pic.twitter.com/lR0UqnsW3o— THE Kraken Pod (@KrakenPod) November 27, 2023
Corey Perry and Zach Wilson at the next MFers committee meeting pic.twitter.com/wPeTktlICU
— Jordan Clark (@Clarkbar792) November 27, 2023
NHL – Rookie hazing no longer acceptable.
Corey Perry – Hold My Beer! pic.twitter.com/lGvGwHBlDO
— M!ke (@MGoody_72) November 27, 2023
Corey Perry may have taken the “being a father figure” role a little too seriously pic.twitter.com/HPqQwyGAks
— The Habitant (@the_habitant) November 27, 2023
So thats why everyone calls Corey Perry a motherfucker. pic.twitter.com/PzYRm6RGh7
— The Cynic (@J_TheCynic) November 27, 2023
Corey Perry; pic.twitter.com/odUYo3SW79
— DocxRock🦅🇺🇸✝️ (@billyr09) November 27, 2023
Breaking News: Zach Wilson has requested a trade to the Chicago BlackHawks of the NHL…
Zach Sights inspiration & mentorship from Corey Perry, excellent genetics of future teammate Connor Bedard & a new found love & appreciation for the sport of Hockey both on & off the ice…. pic.twitter.com/YqdfDLNatN
— Talon Jenkins (@Talon_Jenkins94) November 27, 2023
Corey Perry right now pic.twitter.com/RgnKKolfFC
— Chris (@chrisjmoreau) November 27, 2023
The internet remains undefeated…. although, I hope our golden boy doesn’t have Twitter (X, whatever you call it these days). We don’t need any more distractions for the young phenom (or the team).
In all seriousness, I certainly hope everything is ok with Corey Perry and his family and that he can come back to the team and continue being that great veteran presence that he’s been this year. Every hockey fan hates Corey Perry… until you have him on your team. I found that out this year, too.
Anywho… let’s end this on a highlight reel of every nasty goal from number 98 so far this season. The future is BRIGHT.
Every goal from Connor Bedard this season 🙌pic.twitter.com/oIE4gE4l9H
— SleeperNHL (@SleeperNHL) November 22, 2023
