People That Run “Turkey Trots” On Thanksgiving Can Go To Hell

turkey trot
Mark Rightmire/MediaNews Group/Orange County Register via Getty Images

Let me make this perfectly clear…Thanksgiving is for stuffing your face, not exercising.

The only form of voluntary movement should be from the kitchen table to the couch. And I’ll also allow “Turkey Bowl” football games, where inactive people all get together to test their luck (and their ACLs) in playing football before they dig into turkey and dressing.

But really, why are people putting themselves through “Turkey Trots” in the first place? The thing I’ll never understand about 5Ks and marathons is that in order to participate in them, YOU have to pay the event organizers money.

If my ass is running more than one mile, especially on Thanksgiving day, someone better be paying ME to do it. I don’t understand why people sign up to do things like this Turkey Trot 10K that took place in Detroit, Michigan this morning:

Some of you might be reading this and feel personally attacked by my statements so far. To that, may I respectfully respond by saying GOOD. We should all come together as a country and agree that there should be no form of exercise on Thanksgiving day.

Let’s leave the running and cardio to the NFL players that lace it up on Turkey Day and entertain us (and more importantly fill the awkward silences in family conversations).

I’d say that the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation summed up the “Turkey Trot Debate” with this post that said:

“This morning thousands of Americans are out running turkey trots just to tell EVERYONE ELSE ALIVE that they ran a turkey trot — proceed with caution.”

If the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation is roasting people like that, you know there’s something wrong with Turkey Trots.

Make sure to share this on social media to let people know how you feel about running on Thanksgiving, and if we can get it to spread wide enough, maybe Whiskey Riff can finally be the ones to put a stop to the senseless Turkey Trotting.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone that slept in today and plans to consume way more calories than you burn.

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock