Dude, those aren’t instructions on the sign, that’s just the name of the gas station.
An Iowa man was recently arrested for apparently taking the name of a Kum & Go gas station a little too literally.
The incident actually occurred back in March, but 54-year old Kenneth Kelly was only recently identified and arrested after allegedly making sexual comments and pleasuring himself at the Kum & Go in Iowa City.
According to the arrest warrant, officers weren’t able to catch Kelly in the act (lucky for them), and canvassed the area with his photos in an attempt to identify the ironic masturbating.
Customers of the Kum & Go, as well as others in the area from neighboring businesses, were able to identify Kelly as the jerk off who was exposing himself at the gas station, and when officers went to his house with surveillance footage, he confirmed that he had clothes matching the suspect but denied being the man in the video.
But turns out Kelly was just yanking their chain, and eventually admitted being the man from the surveillance footage. He claimed he wasn’t actually playing with himself, but was just scratching his genitals.
Well police weren’t going to let him get off that easy, and charged Kelly with indecent exposure, a misdemeanor which carries up to a year in jail if convicted.
Maybe next time don’t take the name quite so literally…
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