If You’re Going To Get Fired, Do It Like Jimbo Fisher, And Lap The Buyout Record With $76.8 Million From Texas A&M

Jimbo Fisher
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Jimbo Fisher is a straight-up stud for this.

Take over a program with seemingly limitless resources. Get all weird and refuse to adapt when you can’t keep up with the SEC’s NIL arms race. Fail to ever win 10 games in a single season. Get the remaining $76.8 million paid out on your contract.

Forgive the not-quite-precise price tag below that actually underestimates Fisher’s bottom-line severance. But whatever. Point is, Fisher’s surreal buyout price tag dwarfs anything of its kind in college football history.

As you can imagine, the platform X is aflame with reactions to the big news that’s burning a hole in the pockets of Aggies boosters. A 51-10 win over Mississippi State on Saturday had zero impact on Fisher’s chances to retain his job.

This might be my favorite anecdote of all, involving Fisher and his former Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston.

Like wrap your head around for a second. Or try to. Football coaches live the absolute dream once they grind their way to the top of the profession.

They can go somewhere at the college or professional level, burn a program to the ground and pisses on the ashes, and get paid tens of millions of dollars for it. Then, you know, go get another job and get paid twice.

Talk about the apex of any and all achievement in America. Here’s some more funny business to enhance your experience of drinking this news in. As opposed to being depressed about how a man can earn so much money for doing so little.

Hey reader, what would you even do with yourself with this kind of dough coming your way? Like I can’t emphasize enough, that is SO. MUCH. MONEY. Like the type that makes you feel punch drunk when you try to begin to figure out where the heck you’d begin to spend a fraction of it.

Good on you, Jimbo. What a guy. What a hero. We all wish we could get paid that handsomely to underachieve.

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock