Remember When Alan Jackson Trolled The Hell Out Of Country Music With “Three Minute Positive Not Too Country Up-Tempo Love Song”?

Alan Jackson just might be the greatest troll in country music.

I mean honestly, you have the time he shows up to the ACM Awards in a Hank Williams cutoff, and then performs with no drumsticks since they told him to use a track.

You have the time he played George Jones’ “Choices” after the CMA Awards cut George’s time short, the time her recorded “Murder On Music Row,” and even his latest album boldly asks what the hell happened to country music?

However, many people forget about his hilarious protest of the commercially attractive, watered down, pop country songs that were hoggin’ up the airwaves at the time (and still are today unfortunately).

“Three Minute Positive Not Too Country Up-Tempo Love Song”

Written solely by him for his 2000 album, When Somebody Loves You, it was a smartass critique on the current state of country radio.

Check out these brilliant lyrics:

“It’s a little bit edgy, but softer than spaghetti
Weak yet redundantly strong
It’s a three minute positive not too country up-tempo love song

You won’t hear four-letter words, just me tellin’ her
That she’s the every breath I draw
And how I can’t live without her
And I could never doubt her
‘Cause she could never do no wrong

It’s a way for me to tell her that I love her but it can’t be too long
There’ll be no drinkin’, no cheatin’, no lyin’, no leavin’
That stuff it just don’t belong
In a three minute positive not too county up-tempo love song.”

Incredible… just incredible stuff.

And Alan is still fightin’ the good fight today.

You gotta love it.

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock