“I Missed My Cousin’s Circumcision For This”- Theo Von’s Interview As A 2009 US Open Correspondent Is GOLD

Theo Von
Theo Von

It is a mystery to me how Theo Von can fire off lines like this and not break character one bit.

The comedian, best known for his killer standup, as well as his This Past Weekend podcast, has a reputation for firing off some hilarious one-liners. Von’s slightly awkward demeanor, combined with this off-the-wall commentary, makes every episode worth watching. While he now has a massive fan base, many of his listeners and admirers might not know that Von was a top-notch comedian well before the era of podcasting.

A perfect example of how Von’s humor hasn’t changed a bit over the last 15 years is his interview from the 2009 US Open. Theo Von was serving as a golf correspondent, and it’s one of the best clips out there. You genuinely don’t know what will come out of Von’s mouth with each sentence, and each sentence is better than the last.

After the news broadcaster connects with Von, he asks how he has been holding up with the weather being less than stellar and the golf following suit. Von’s opening remarks let viewers know they are about to be doubled over throughout the remainder of this interview.

“Who even wants to play golf? That’s my question. I actually missed my cousin’s circumcision for this. I was in the city doing a shell game with a couple of buddies, and I got a twit that said, ‘We are on bet page black at the seventh hole.’

I thought it was a porn, so I drove out here. And uh, apparently, there is a lot of golf going on.” 

The newscasters are cackling in the background from his opening remarks, and while Von has it ON, the host for the channel also deserves an Emmy for teeing up Von to stay on his wild card answer roll.

“But not much sex?” 

He says, leading Von to the well to drink from. Von is right there with him, ready to run with it.

“Well, there’s a little bit. I caught a BJ in a sand trap…yeah, and I wouldn’t recommend that.” 

After a quick side tangent, the interviewer knows that he and Von can volley back and forth, so he brings it back to the sand trap, once again setting up Von to make some hilarious yet horrible jokes.

“Now, not to bring up a touchy subject for you. But you mentioned that BJ in the sand trap…any sign of crabs?” 

He asks.

“Um, not here. Phil Mickelson lost; he came in second. I don’t know if he has crabs or not. His wife has cancer though, and we wish her well…much more serious disease.”

At this point, I am jaw-dropped. I knew Von was a comedian who never let viewers see the direction any of his jokes could take, but this is the definition of a wild card after wild card.

He then goes into a bit that he was hanging out with John Daly and got some autographs from a slew of blondes in tow, and while it was impressive they could write their names, not writing it in cursive kept them from being 10s.

The chat between Von and the broadcast host is truly next level as neither one of them breaks character, playing into the bit flawlessly. As someone who does not typically watch golf, I’d tune in 24/7 if there were constant correspondents like Von.

The rest of the jokes are too good to divulge through text dialog, and you must watch it for yourself. Theo Von is a national treasure.

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock