There’s A 0.0% Chance Brandon Staley Keeps His Job After The Chargers Allowed 63 Points To The Raiders On TNF

Matt Fitzgerald·
CULTURE
·
Brandon Staley
Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images

Whether Los Angeles Chargers owner Dean Spanos spares head coach Brandon Staley until Week 18 is finished, there’s no way even a notoriously-relatively-speaking-can’t-emphasize-that-enough cheap guy like him is going to keep Staley on for another season.

As dispassionate as most Bolts fans seem to be — the true diehards are straight-up traumatized more than anything else at this juncture — there would be a full-blown revolt across the globe if Staley were to remain in place. At least, that’s the general public sentiment after the Chargers embarrassed themselves against the Raiders in a 63-21 loss on Thursday night in which they trailed by a cool 42-0 at halftime.

This video edit is a fitting summary as to how much denial Staley has been in for quite some time (there’ll be more on this subject later in the article):

It wouldn’t have been quite so bad if the Raiders weren’t coming off a 3-0 loss last week. If only, right? Sure would’ve helped the Staley optics of it all.

Everybody was so self-evidently checked out, and Richard Sherman was out here calling for Staley’s job before his team retook the field!

Staley handled the intermission interview about as well as he could have…

I had a former colleague named Marty Mush who tried to argue that Justin Herbert is overrated and is the problem in LA. Like as in, Herbert is to blame for the Bolts’ shortcomings in recent years.

What a lazy garbage clown take. See here’s the thing, the quarterback position is the absolute least of that organization’s worries. Alleged defensive guru Brandon Staley has routinely seen his defenses yield absurd amounts of explosive plays and points to the opposition. This isn’t new. We’re almost three years in. It keeps happening.

Herbert was the Band-Aid (diminishing him to a single bandage is an insult, tbh) keeping the Chargers together. Look what happened when he was out of the equation. His backup Easton Stick even had decent numbers. But Herbert covered so many warts.

Now there’s nowhere for Staley to hide. No big, strapping, gorgeous man of a franchise QB to be in the line of fire on his behalf. Nope.

You’d think with Staley’s defensive acumen, his players would be the ones making heads-up, savvy plays like this pick-six off Stick that Jack Jones literally had to one-hand catch behind his back because he was so damn early in diagnosing exactly what LA was doing:

As the overseer of a football operation, this doesn’t exactly paint Staley in the best light, even if that failure in execution is probably more on offensive coordinator Kellen Moore.

Staley was already pretty universally understood to be a bozo before this TNF matchup. The latest outcome just drove the point home further on what everyone already knew: This man can’t coach his way out of a paper bag, much less be a leader of men in an NFL locker room.

The funniest part? Staley has zero self-awareness and still thinks he’s deserving of a job.

It takes a delusional amount of self-confidence to even rise to the rank of NFL head coach. That Staley managed to bust his way into the league as a Chicago Bears assistant fresh off a gig at Division III football powerhouse John Carroll speaks volumes to the type of con artist he must be. I thought he was some genius, too. Being cosigned by Sean McVay is a big deal. Many coaches from that man’s tree have worked out. Staley’s gap-and-a-half scheme made me believe he’d be the next big thing, too.

…Failed to realize that scheme only worked so well with the Rams because Staley had, you know, Aaron Donald to help that thing come to life. Donald commands a double- or even triple team every play. Plus, the Rams were loaded with talent throughout the rest of that defense amid their all-in push to win a Super Bowl.

Despite having a Chargers roster starring the likes of Joey Bosa, Khalil Mack and Derwin James on his defense, Staley has never been able to even field a league-average unit, or anything close to resembling one. Tells you all you need to know. Or wait, maybe blowing a 27-point lead in a playoff game like Staley did last postseason against the Jaguars should’ve been the final straw. It would be for any self-respecting franchise, I can tell you that.

I guess Dean Spanos wanted the Chargers faithful to repeatedly punch themselves in the crotch for a whole other season before making a change.

In case you don’t want to go through the hassle of doom scrolling for Staley insults, I’ve tried to gather the greatest hits here. Enjoy.

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