Philip Rivers Could Field An Entire Starting Offense As He And His Wife Welcome Child Number TEN

Phillip Rivers
Tiffany Rivers

Retired NFL quarterback Philip Rivers is either laying pipe at a prolific rate with all this new free time, or he’s in the running for the most fertile and proficient phallus ever amongst American athletes. Or both.

None of that is any of our business. However, can we shout out Rivers’ wife, Tiffany, for a second here? She deserves to be the lede. What a champion. I’m not even being super jokey or facetious about this. Yes, it’s objectively hilarious. Giving birth to 10 children is also objectively among the most impressive feats anyone could ever fathom.

Here’s most of what Rivers had to say to PEOPLE about his latest child.

“It’s awesome. Tiffany is awesome…It doesn’t matter if it’s the first child or the 10th child. It’s an awesome miracle every time. Everyone is home now, and everyone is good. […] I’ll be 60 when this one (Andrew) has his Senior Night.”

Apparently lots of folks have made the quip about the Rivers family being a full-out unit of starting offense. Put Philip under center, and let his 10 kids cook. We’re talking junior flag football here, folks. Not NFL.

Whatever the case, it’s pretty cool when Rivers can literally have his own practice squad out there for all the personnel packages he wants to drill during his coaching offseasons. Or, hey, take the band of Rivers and his 10 children to your newest Madden simulations and go nuts.

I’m a stat guy. I’m all about finding an edge with sophisticated numbers. They can really add to any sports story. So let’s get some unconventional-but-100%-factually-accurate stats on the board.

How many more children can the Rivers power couple produce? They’re a legit baby factory at this point. I wouldn’t put it past them to have a couple more. Why not? Why stop now?

PS, Philip coaches his eldest kid, son Gunner, and the young lad is tearing it up at the high school level as a mere freshman.

There are a million innuendo-type jokes about the fact that Rivers’ first son is named Gunner. Let’s just leave those in the hopper for now. Let Gunner focus on ball, getting that scholarship, and getting to the NFL if he should be so lucky.

Congrats to Philip and Tiffany Rivers on the successful sex (again). Will be on standby for alerts on Baby No. 11.

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock