An 88-year old man walked into a French hospital over the weekend with a World War I artillery shell lodged in his rectum – and caused an evacuation in the process.
As reported by the New York Post, Hospital Sainte Musse in Toulon, France was partially evacuated over fears that the explosive may…well, explode inside of the man. Bomb squads (insert “bum squads” joke here) were called to the scene to examine the explosive – while it was still in the guy’s ass. Gotta think they don’t teach that at the police academy.
According to the hospital, bomb disposal experts determined that the weapon of ass destruction posed no risk of explosion:
“They reassured us by telling us that it was a collector’s item from the First World War, used by the French military.”
Once it was determined that the man’s asshole wasn’t going to explode, doctors took the elderly patient into surgery to remove the artillery.
The surgery required cutting open the man’s abdomen, but doctors were eventually able to recover the 8-inch long and 2-inch wide shell.
An 88-year-old Frenchman presented at Toulon A&E yesterday with a First World War shell shoved up his arse. Bomb disposal were called to make it safe. The hospital was evacuated. I wish this was a joke. pic.twitter.com/IS2u9kUqBO
According to the hospital, it’s believed that the man shoved the shell up his ass for sexual pleasure.
I mean, I know he’s from a different generation. A tougher generation. A generation that’s seen some shit (no pun intended) and is probably unfazed by things that people these days wouldn’t be able to handle.
But…why? What has happened in this man’s life that he got to the point where he was like, “You know what? Fuck it. Let me try shoving this big ass shell up my two-hole and see how that feels.”
Luckily the man is in good health and is expected to fully recover…but imagine walking out of the hospital after having a giant shotgun shell removed from INSIDE YOUR RECTUM. And for the love of God, can somebody make sure that he doesn’t have any more WWI memorabilia in his house that could end up in his asshole?
Maybe the craziest part of this story though, is that this isn’t the first time this is happened.
Just last year, a (presumably different) man showed up at a hospital in the UK with a WWII shell lodged in his ass – telling doctors that he slipped and fell.
The Greatest Generation, y’all. They’re just built different.