Let me get one thing straight, you’re never gonna take a “normal” trip to Walmart.
You’re guaranteed to see something, or somebody, that’s incredibly strange (and sometimes you just see someone you know and that’s a damn nightmare too).
We’ve seen plenty of videos of fights, screaming matches, Karens, and just weird-ass people in general come from America’s favorite superstore… and we got another one today.
A video has recently surfaced from an Englewood, Colorado, Walmart where we find a customer going absolutely ape shit on a Walmart employee, charging him with his shopping cart, and then he seems to spit on the guy before taking his cart and walking away…
BIG MISTAKE
Never turn you back on a fight dude, ESPECIALLY after you just spit on a guy.
Needless to say, the employee (who is actually a contractor) needed to be restrained by another employee. eventually breaking free.
He walks straight up to the guy, and gives him a MEAN right hook, knocking him out immediately. I mean, the dude toppled like a ton of bricks.
Call it a sucker punch, but all bets are kind of off when you spit on someone. Some folks in the comment section were calling out the customer for flopping (and why not, right? Walmart got deep them pockets), but we don’t exactly have the best camera work here so it’s sort of hard to tell. It’s suspicious to say the least…
Either way, just another day at Walmart.
Oh yeah, and the dude who threw the punch got fired, but… something tells me he doesn’t mind.
This Drunk Guy Dragging A Dead Deer Into Walmart To Steal Beer Is My Favorite Bedtime Story
We’re dipping into the vault today for look back at one of life’s greatest bedtime stories.
From back in 2017, it’s the story of a drunk Oregon man that wheeled a deer carcass into a Walmart so he could steal some beer.
According to the Roseburg Police, it goes a little something like this…
Jesse Canida entered Walmart on Monday, October 30 around 12:20pm with a cart full of empty cans and a deer carcass.
Police said Canida was intoxicated and picked up multiple 24 oz beers and attempted to conceal them among the other things in his cart.
They said when loss prevention attempted to get the beers back from him he refused, and so officers were called and met him at the back door of the store.
Canida was cited and released.
Cited? That’s it?
If I pulled a stunt like that here in Chicago, I’d probably get shot.
However, looking at this guy, I’m not surprised one bit that he would be the type to try and wheel a deer carcass into a Walmart in order to cause a distraction, and hide some stolen beer.
I mean, if I were a betting man (and I am, I just usually lose) and you lined up every single man and woman on planet Earth, and told me to pick out the person that wheeled a dead deer into a Walmart, I would still bet that THIS was the guy that would do something like that.
I’m picking Jesse Canida (not Canada) out of that lineup every damn time.
What he really needed though was a partner.
Somebody rolls the dead deer into the Walmart, causes the scene, while the OTHER person steals the beer. But, it sounds like Jesse was a little lost in the sauce and that’s when mistakes happen. Execution was poor, but he had the right idea.
Maybe if you’re thinking of robbing a bank, drag a deer carcass in there and see what happens. When nobody is looking, because they’re distracted by the deer, sneak into the vault and take all the money.
Now playing: The Town 2, starring Ben Affleck, Jesse Canida, and a dead deer. Boom.
I mean really, the only thing missing from this story is Florida.
If I could start this blog off with “Florida Man,” it would be a 10 out of 10.
