Get ready to spend those Derby winnings.
Have you ever had $200 laying around and thought, “I’d like to spend that on a jar of horse shit?” If so, 1) what’s the matter with you, and 2) you’re in luck. According to WLEX, artist Coleman Larkin is selling turds from the 1997 Kentucky Derby winner, Silver Charm. And for just $200, you can have your very own turd in a jar.
I have so many questions. First of all…why? What’s so special about Silver Charm’s turds that people will pay $200 for a jar of shit? And how do we even know that it came from Silver Charm? That could be any horse’s shit in that jar – am I just supposed to trust some guy who’s selling jars of crap?
According to Larkin, each piece of crap is preserved through a “top-secret process” because he doesn’t “want any of his competitors in the turd-jarring industry to find out how to do this.” Wait, there’s a whole industry around this shit? (Pun intended). Is this actually a lucrative business? Would I be sitting on my first million already if I had just been selling horse poop all this time?
Larkin also said that the key is to get fresh turds – because “they got to have that nice shape.” Man, who knew poop collectors were so picky about the shape of their shit.
Now I’m not saying that you’re wasting your money if you buy one of these things. I’m just saying that if I had $200, I would spend it on literally anything else before I would spend it on a jar of horse crap. But to each their own.
So as you see those guys shoveling shit at the Derby today, just remember how much each of those shovelfuls is worth. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go find some horse turds.
While y’all are drinking mint juleps, I’ll be getting that money.
