According to The Hamilton Spectator, Sybil Marie Hicks of Baysville, Ontario, passed away on February 2nd, but not before she wrote her own hilarious obituary. She is survived by her husband, who she affectionately refers to as a “Horse’s Ass,” her 4 children that she claims to have “tolerated over the years,” and her grandchildren.
More importantly, since she was cremated, she “finally has the smoking hot body she’s always wanted.”
“It hurts me to admit it… but I, Mrs. Ron Hicks from Baysville, have passed away. I passed peacefully with my eldest daughter, Brenda, by my side February 2, 2019 at 8:20 a.m. I leave behind my loving husband, Ron Hicks, whom I often affectionately referred to as a “Horse’s Ass”. I also left behind my children whom I tolerated over the years; Bob (with Carol) my oldest son and also my favourite. Brian (with Ginette) who was the Oreo cookie favourite, Brenda AKA “Hazel” who would run to clean the bathrooms when she heard company was coming. Barbara (with Gordon) the ever Miss Perfect and finally Baby Bruce who wouldn’t eat homemade turkey soup because he didn’t want to be alert looking for bones while he ate. I will miss seeing my sweetest grandchildren; Caitlin, Megan, Joel, Issac, Mason, Rachel, Annie, Emma, Harrison, Clark, Choe, Orion, Griffin …grow up to be the incredible people they are meant to be. I graduated from Waterdown High School with honors while wearing my shiny bright saddle shoes. I later graduated from Hamilton General Hospital School Nursing class of 1957B — Best Class EVER! In 1972 Ron and I loaded the car with the 5- B’s and headed north to run a school bus company for over 20 years in Baysville, Ontario. I was an active horticulturalist, a member of the Eastern Star and a member of the Lion’s Club in Baysville. I finally have the smoking hot body I have always wanted… having been cremated. Please come say goodbye and celebrate my wonderful life with my husband and his special friend Dorothy who is now lovingly taking care of my horse’s ass. For those of you who are wondering who assisted me in writing this… it wasn’t my husband, it wasn’t my oldest, nor was it my youngest… Thank you all for sharing my life with me. I am off to swim to the buoy and back. Love, Sybil”