Police From The Fly Over States Are Canceling Crime Due To The Cold

A person lying in the snow

Yeah it’s colder than Siberia in the Midwest right now, who cares. Builds character and all that as we know.

Police departments from all over the fly over states have been cancelling crime due to the -50 windchill fucking us up right now.

Here’s one from Missouri

A black coffee maker on a counter

And here’s one from Green Bay

Cancellation Notice – Severe Weather Criminal Activity Alert



January 29, 2019

Faced with the record breaking cold weather that is fast approaching, the Green Bay Police Department is taking the unprecedented step of cancelling all criminal activities in the City of Green Bay until further notice. Green Bay Police Chief Andrew Smith was quoted as saying, “With the wind chill warnings, we simply cannot have any criminals putting themselves in harm’s way at those temperatures. If we didn’t speak out against this, it is simply not fair to the criminals, and I am not willing to risk it.”

Forbidden until further official notice are all criminal activities including retail thefts, automobile thefts (including the stealing of cars with the keys inside), and all manner of violent crime. With the ban on all criminal activities, crooks, criminals and miscreants of all kinds are hereby put on notice that failure to comply will result in citations, arrests, or even jail time. This official ban on illegal activities will continue until the official criminal activity ban is rescinded formally by the Police Department. Please monitor our Facebook site for any updates.

“We care about everyone in our community, including those that choose to break the law,” said Green Bay Police Chief Andrew Smith. “Avoiding crime and criminal activities are especially important during periods of inclement weather. Also, during all other times.”

Temperatures and wind chills are expected to be at least 35 below zero, which can freeze skin and cause frostbite in just a few minutes. With a salute to the Noblesville Police Department.

#WinterIsComing #BringPetsIndoors #ArcticBlast #PolarVortex #ColdJustice

Stay inside and drink.

A row of colorful cans

photo via Shutterstock.com

A beer bottle on a dock


A beer bottle on a dock