Top 5 Worst Preseason NFL Takes That Are Already Dead In The Water After Week 3

Matt Fitzgerald·
CULTURESPORTS
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Sam Darnold Vikings locker room
Andy Kenutis/Minnesota Vikings

We’re almost to the end of Week 3 in the NFL, and already this is one of the most parity-stricken, weirdest seasons I can recall off the dome.

If it feels like offenses around the league are scrapping for points, and there are a ton of upsets all over the place, well, it’s not just you. That’s what’s happening.

That’s right. Andy Dalton has replaced Year 2 Leap candidate Bryce Young in Carolina and eviscerated a Raiders team who beat reigning NFL MVP Lamar Jackson and the Ravens the week prior. And that’s like the 12th-weirdest thing to happen. I would’ve included, “Bryce Young will take a big step this year” among the worst DOA takes, but nobody expected much from the Panthers in the first place.

Alright. The Week 1 overreaction phase has passed, as has the Week 2 overcorrecting, we have a little better idea of who’s who. Now remember, even these seemingly dead takes could prove to be right eventually. I’m only going off of what I’ve seen. Until new information presents itself, we’re rolling with the five worst NFL preseason five takes that are already freezing-cold. Corpses thrown into the river. However you want to put it.

Vikings & Steelers Finish Last In Their Divisions

If you looked around at any sportsbooks prior to Week 1, the Vikings and Steelers had the longest odds to win the NFC North and AFC North respectively. It made sense. Pittsburgh had designs of starting Russell Wilson over Justin Fields at quarterback before Mr. Unlimited got held up by a calf injury in camp. Minnesota lost rookie 10th overall pick JJ McCarthy for the season. Many believed McCarthy would take the reins of the Vikings’ offense sometime in 2024 from Sam Darnold, a journeyman highly drafted bust.

I know he’s a little in his feelings about the Packers rejecting him, but if you’d told me before Week 1 that by Week 3 Aaron Jones — who played with Aaron Rodgers and watched Jordan Love go off last year — would say being in an offense with Sam Darnold is the most fun he’s had in his career, I’d have laughed in your face.

Welp. The Vikings are 3-0, their fans have fighting spirit, and ahead of tonight’s doubleheader of games, they’re one of only four 3-0 teams. One of the others? The Steelers. Fields is looking like a totally different dude from his time in Chicago, but really, all he has to do is manage the game thanks to Pittsburgh’s top-flight defense.

Mike Tomlin may literally never have a single season where he finishes with a losing record. This was thought to be the year he’d finally have his streak snapped. Already a third of the way to 9-8. Haters are sick, myself included.

Dallas Cowboys “All-In” On 2024

Jerry Jones is nothing if not a master entertainer as the longstanding figurehead of the world’s most valuable sports franchise. Whether he’s talking about glory holes, the size of his players’ hogs, or any number of other outlandish things, you can’t help but tune in. His word salad of an “all-in” proclamation before the season was one of many noteworthy soundbites.

What Jerry isn’t is some mastermind of roster architecture. He’s due to pay Dak Prescott $60 million per year on his new contract because he waited too long. Also waited too long to give a new deal to CeeDee Lamb. Stayed stubbornly loyal to Zeke Elliott by signing him in the offseason rather than Derrick Henry. Then, in Week 3, Henry went off in Dallas during a would-be Ravens blowout if not for garbage time and a fluky Cowboys onside kick recovery.

Here’s your $60 million AAV man, America’s Team.

Then, Jerry had the gall to say he couldn’t afford King Henry in free agency.

I don’t think this man knows how the salary cap works. Paying Lamb and Prescott sooner would’ve given Jerry — sorry, the front office who actually runs the show via a non-fantasy football philosophy — more time to figure out a way to get Henry to Big D, where he wanted to play.

The Cowboys went 12-5 in each of the previous three seasons. Zeke has the highest single-game rushing total at 40 yards during their 1-2 start. Even if they squeak into the playoffs, Dallas is liable to be embarrassed yet again. I still haven’t the slightest clue what Jerry means by “all-in”, but this start can’t be what he meant.

Caleb Williams Instantly Makes Bears A Playoff Contender

To be clear: This is not 100% on Caleb Williams. In fact, it might not be more than 15% on Caleb Williams. It’s on the Bears as an organization. They’ve failed to develop a franchise QB for pretty much their entire existence. Fields’ success in Pittsburgh is as big an indictment of Chicago’s shortcomings in that area as anything.

In addition to taking an average of over four sacks a game, the Bears are putting way too much on Williams’ shoulders to begin his career. They can’t pass protect. They can’t run the ball. They’re forcing him to throw it 52 times in his third professional start.

Disasters all over the place. Chicago retained Matt Eberflus as head coach in large part because the defense played very well down the stretch of 2023. However, it doesn’t exactly help his case to stay employed when the rest of the NFC North is doing things like this:

So like, what is Eberflus bringing to the table exactly? At a certain point, we have to question Eberflus’ hiring acumen and whether he’s the guy who can really get the most out of Williams.

If you ask me, it’s already obvious through three games and a 1-2 record that the Bears need to bring in a whole new staff. Tear it down all the way. Put Williams in a Shanahan-style offense, build up the o-line, and help the young man out. There’s plenty of talent on the roster to compete for a playoff berth in the NFC. I just don’t see how Chicago does it as they’re currently constructed.

Aaron Rodgers Is Washed

One big overreaction to Week 1 was everyone writing the Jets off for getting smoked by the 49ers in San Francisco. Since that fateful night, the 49ers haven’t won, and the Jets haven’t lost.

Coming off a torn Achilles at 40 years old, there was a healthy amount of skepticism about Rodgers and whether he still had anything in the tank. His mobility was a major question mark and didn’t look good even when he led New York to a win in Week 2 over the Titans. However, on a short-week Thursday night game against the Patriots, the four-time league MVP looked like his old self.

The Jets d-line looked a little weak in the early going when they were banged up. As long as Quinnen Williams and Will McDonald IV are healthy, I think they’ll be just fine.

Tua Tagovailoa’s most recent concussion has the Dolphins in shambles. That eliminates an AFC postseason contender in the Jets’ division for the time being. It was risky for the desperate Jets to put all their chips on Rodgers. Didn’t work out last year. Looks like it’ll pay off at long last in 2024.

Hard to believe, but the Jets and Chargers are the only 2-1 teams in the AFC. Being a full game up this early on every other Wild Card hopeful is a big win for Gang Green.

Healthy Joe Burrow = Hot Start For Cincinnati Bengals

Drawing a last-place schedule and the Patriots at home in Week 1. Facing the Chiefs when they’re still working out their trademark early-season kinks, as the only team who can consistently play them tough and beat them. Everything was looking up for the Cincinnati Bengals. A huge reason: Joe Burrow made it through a normal training camp for the first time. Healthiest he’d been since his rookie year, which was made difficult by the Bengals’ lack of roster depth, COVID, and an eventual, horrific knee injury.

This year’s camp: No COVID. No knee rehab. No recovery from a burst appendix. No nagging calf strain. Only load management on a surgically repaired wrist.

Didn’t matter. The Bengals are off to their third consecutive 0-2 start. Burrow looked lost against the Pats, got sack-fumbled for a TD in Kansas City, and missed Andrei Iosivas on an in-breaking route late that could’ve sealed the game prior to Daijahn Anthony’s pass interference penalty on fourth-and-16. Neither here nor there, but regarding the Chiefs’ win over the Falcons…

Cincinnati rallied from the 0-2 start of 2022 to make the AFC Championship Game. They got off the mat in ’23 and rallied around backup QB Jake Browning down the stretch to somehow finish 9-8 with the 31st-ranked total defense and a historically difficult schedule. The defense is back on track so far this season, Burrow looks better with each rep, and Tee Higgins returns to the receiving corps this evening.

No time to write the Bengals off. Just a bummer for Who Dey Nation that they keep putting themselves in such an early hole on an annual basis. Best of luck to the survivor league folks who are still alive and picked the Bengals tonight against the Commanders!

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