How often can the Dallas Cowboys come up small on a big stage? That’s a whole other conversation. We’re here to celebrate Derrick Henry.
Having escaped the NFL purgatory of The Fighting Will Levises aka the Tennessee Titans, Henry is living his best life in Baltimore — and stiff-arming mofos through the Earth while doing so.
Confirmed: Derrick Henry is big, fast, and strong 😤
📺: #BALvsDAL on FOX
📱: https://t.co/waVpO8ZBqG pic.twitter.com/9Qeazl0Tsz— NFL (@NFL) September 22, 2024
Poor rookie cornerback Caelen Carson. Welcome to the NFL, youngin’.
But the most impressive part of the Ravens boat racing America’s Team in Jerry World was when the broadcast took a timeout to explain just how King Henry continues to reign supreme as an elite running back at a position with an oft-short shelf life even by the NFL’s cliché “Not For Long” standards. Henry’s self-care routine entails more than a quarter of a million dollars per year on his body, along with maybe the strictest diet known to mankind:
Derrick Henry spends over $250,000 per year on body maintenance pic.twitter.com/QCvDlBlKVI
— Warren Sharp (@SharpFootball) September 22, 2024
In short: No dairy, no gluten, no artificial sweeteners, no fried food, and doesn’t eat until four or five o’ clock during the season. Might sneak in a banana or avocado prior to practice if he’s feeling frisky or, you know, a little on the hangry side.
We’ve still got about a quarter to go as of this writing, and Henry has piled up 125 yards and two touchdowns on the ground against the Cowboys’ allegedly good defense with allegedly good defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer calling the shots. To be fair, I don’t envy the man who has to scheme up how to stop the 1-2 punch of Henry and Lamar Jackson as the tip of the spear on that Baltimore rushing attack.
Should we not throw a little bit of blame Dak Prescott’s way, though? The man who’s due to make $60 million per year on his new contract doesn’t look like he belongs on the same field as Lamar, or most other elite QBs whenever he faces them. Week 3 garbage time may inflate his numbers, but make no mistake: A field general paid that much should be able to hang tough in a shootout. Instead, Henry and the Ravens are running all over Dallas because Dak can’t move the ball well enough.
Oh well. Look on the bright side Cowboys Nation, at least somebody on your roster (may not actually be on the roster anymore, read:) has some Big Johnson Energy. Might wanna put some of your players on the Derrick Henry meal plan, Jerry.
