Get Off My NFL Draft Board: Texas Tech Prospect Tyler Owens Does Not Believe In Space Or Other Planets

Tyler Owens

As yours truly continues to construct a top-100 big board of 2024 NFL Draft prospects with secondhand film cutups, game footage, and other dubious resources that’d make Tony Stark in a cave with a box of scraps blush, one prospect I can confidently say I would not even consider drafting is Texas Tech defensive back Tyler Owens.

Look, NFL locker rooms are not full of boy scouts. Some seriously dubious characters get paid millions upon millions of dollars to play a child’s game for a living. You don’t need to be some transcendent intellectual to make it in the league, either. But I can only go so far. Giving credence to Flat Earth Theory and insisting there is no space, nor are there other planets? Sorry. That’s a bridge, nay, a galaxy too far

“Nah, I don’t believe in space. Like…I’m very religious, so I think we’re on our own right now. I don’t think there’s other planets and stuff like that. I don’t know. I used to believe in the heliocentric thing, we revolve around the sun…

And I started seeing Flat Earth stuff. And I was like, ‘That’s kind of interesting.’ And they start bringing up valid points. So I don’t know. It could be real, couldn’t be.”


Or at least that’s as best as I could make out what Owens was saying through multiple other voices. He’d have been better served if this sound was drowned out.

So let’s do this. State it as plain as day for public record.

Question: Would I draft Tyler Owens?


Get Out gif

There is a zero point zero percent chance.

To quote Mike Singletary in a press conference that rivals Allen Iverson’s practice rant for GOAT status: “Cannot play with him. Cannot win with him. Cannot coach with him. Can’t do it.”

You see some guys skip out on testing at the NFL Scouting Combine because they have the leverage to do so. If they know they’re going to be picked near the top of the draft, they do a cost-benefit analysis of the situation. Many of them conclude that, all they can really gain from showing up in Indy for drills is some vague, figurative feather in their cap that they’re ultra competitive. Other than that? Not much of an advantage to be had. They can still meet with teams, go through interviews, hold court with the media and what have you if they so choose.

Unfortunately for Tyler Owens, he was already going to have difficulty getting drafted before Day 3. He’s one of those guys the NFL might not even consider extending a Combine invitation to. A defensive powerhouse Texas Tech is not, and the Red Raiders already have a far superior safety prospect entering the draft in Dadrion Taylor-Demerson.

These remarks likely dashed any hopes Owens had of hearing his named called at all. That’s just calling a spade a spade. Most reasonable people would agree with me.

Tearing down a young man like this and highlighting concurring opinions of that ilk is not something I do lightly. Any higher power or semi-mature adult human could recognize how much of an idiot I was in my early 20s. Is Owens not asking for it, though? Come on!

A simple Google search — I actually did this, FFS — would tell Owens or like-minded individuals that Flat Earth as a concept is “archaic” and has been “scientifically disproven.” Has Owens been training with Kyrie Irving to prepare for the pros? I legitimately wonder. As for those other planets, the ol’ night sky would come in handy to get a good visual on those. What does Owens think is up there? Massive, projected holograms? God’s special frisbees for Heaven Disc Golf?

To be a fly on the wall of Owens’ pre-draft interviews. Oh my lord, indeed…

I mean shoot, good luck to Tyler Owens. If his brain matter is devoid of energy wasted on pondering humanity’s place in the larger universe, his micro focus on God and professional football just might be enough to drive him to NFL glory. However, I have serious doubts that will be the reality Owens is ultimately confronted with. Divinity school seems more likely than NFL stardom for Owens, all due respect. It’s not easy to get anywhere near the highest level of football. I just know that I wouldn’t expend any precious resource of draft capital on a man who cannot grasp the concept of other planets.

Singletary’s presser about Vernon Davis is too good not to tack on to the end of this, because frankly, what more needs to be said? I think all my neurons will simultaneously short-circuit if I think about Owens’ worldview any harder.

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock