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Here we go, y’all…
I’ll try to make this introduction short and sweet, because I think many of you know exactly how it feels to deal with f*ckboys on a daily basis, and unfortunately, there’s really only so much you can to do avoid them.
Even the most unsuspecting man can turn out to be nothing more than an asshole who couldn’t really care less about you… and I get it.
None of us like it, none of us want to deal with it, but sometimes there’s really no other choice and you’re just floating around wondering how you even got yourself into the situation in the first place (and of course, trying to get the hell out of it).
And with the holidays in full swing, that means there will be plenty of opportunity to be ambushed by family members asking “why you don’t have a boyfriend,” or “why you’re not married yet,” or my personal favorite, “when you’re going to start having kids.”
If you know, unfortunately, you KNOW…
While I know most of the time they mean well, my favorite response is asking if these 60+ year old aunts, uncles, grandparents, and so forth have tried dating in 2023?
This post isn’t to say all men are bad or have bad intentions, obviously I just have bad luck or bad taste (maybe both? Great…), and thus, here I am putting this lovely list together for all the ladies reading that might relate in some way.
In the South, we like to translate a response to that problem with a little saying that goes, “Bless your heart.” And I mean that sincerely.
As Miranda Lambert often loves to say, music is medicine, so here’s some more country songs for when you’ve had enough of the shit and need to scream something at the top of your lungs… or, you know, cry into your glass of wine alone in a dark room.
These badass country queens just get us.
“Tequila Does” — Miranda Lambert:
“I’d sure like to find A cowboy tonight To get me back in the saddle But the boys around here Drink domestic beer They’re all hat, no cattle”
“Heels Over Head” — Carly Pearce:
“You want the vixen in a magazine
Got a hidden tattoo that everybody’s seen
Wouldn’t take her home to mama ’cause she still loves me
Little ol’ me
From the way that she looks, you might think that you love her
But you know what they say about a book and its cover
It’s up to you and not me to judge her
But y’all deserve each other”
“Ghost” — Miranda Lambert, Jon Randall & Jack Ingram:
“I replaced the headboard with a chiseled stone Here lies the meanest man I’ve ever known Go rest in pеace with every liе you ever told ‘Cause now you’re just a ghost Honey, now you’re just a ghost”
“Women Ain’t Whiskey” — Ashley McBryde:
“There’s a wall with every label in Bourbon County For you to put your hands on Burn you all damn night long Don’t call and say that you been thinkin’ ’bout me It’s just the high you’re chasin’ I know it’s intoxicatin’
But women ain’t whiskey You can’t just quit me And when you get lonely Come pick me back up Have one too many With your lips against me Then leave me empty When you’ve had enough”
“Tights On My Boat” — The Chicks:
“Remember when you wouldn’t come away with me Sent your mom instead, yeah, that was a real thing I should have known you were trouble Just save myself from all the trouble You came to visit on tour and you made me cry Wouldn’t speak to me for weeks and now I know why”
“Don’t Talk about Him, Tina” — The Pistol Annies:
“You gotta get yourself up and dust them boots off Ain’t no use in staying sad or pissed off You know how them cowboys are They stay a while then they break your heart So put your lipstick on And let’s go paint up this town”
“Smell Like Smoke” — Lainey Wilson:
“I let a blue-еyed, two-timing devil kiss me on the mouth Had me up on a homegrown high ‘fore it all went south It burned me like a mess of cornbread in a skillet Left me with a heartbreak, I don’t wanna feel it Can I bum another one of them cowboy killers? Hit me with the good stuff now”
“Two Weeks Late” — Ashley Monroe:
“I bet I’m the talk of this town If you don’t have a ring, then he won’t settle down And I hate to admit that you’re right Cause I’m sleeping alone tonight”
“Sleep on My Side” — Megan Moroney:
“I like my bed made and the smell of my own sheets I bet you haven’t slept in yours in weeks I’m sun-kissed tan and you can’t stand the beach You like sour, I like sweet I call my mom and when yours calls you, you let it ring
And that don’t make you Mr. Wrong, but you’re far from Mr. Right ‘Cause I’m a glass of red fine wine and you’re a bad idea on ice It’s good that we’re so different, but when the day is done I sleep on my side and you sleep with everyone You sleep with everyone”
“Meet Somebody” — Morgan Wade:
“Why the hell can’t I meet somebody? All these people want to do is fuck someone at the party I won’t lie, sometimes I miss our sex But I ain’t about to go hit up an ex
We don’t talk anymore, and it feels so strange And I know I ain’t seen you in a while I forgot how you taste, I forgot how you smile I deleted your number anyway”
And as a little bonus, I’ve talked about “Trailer for Rent” before, and while it’s not necessarily about a cheating boyfriend or love interest, it is about a lazy husband who this poor woman has gotten tired of and is ready to leave without batting an eyelash.
I promise you, screaming it at the top of your lungs is better than any therapy money can buy…