It’s that time of year again.
The weather is getting warmer, lakes and streams are stocked with hungry fish, and dating apps are teeming with eager matches looking for Mr. Swipe Right.
So you know what that means: There’s no better time to refresh the all-important fish pic and “set the hook” on Tinder.
Now you may have heard that “Fish Tinder” is full of hapless bros with no self-awareness who think they are Poseidon’s gift to women.
But you’re not THAT guy. Fishing is your passion. Your happy place. Your excuse to drink 12 beers on a Sunday afternoon. It would be a lie NOT to include a fish pic on your profile. And the honorable and principled Tinder community would never stand for such false representations.
When you’re ready to show the world of anonymous potential mates that you are the outdoorsy, skilled, fishy provider they dreamed of, here are some tips to make the most of that money shot.
1. Go big or go home.
If you are not proud of the size of that fish, then it never existed. Bury that photo in the folder labeled “For Mom” and never speak of it again. There are bigger fish in the sea, and you have to put your best fish forward at all times. As they say, you can tell the size of the man by the size of the thing that makes his Tinder profile.
2. Hold the damn fish in your hands.
You can use a net in the course of the catch. But once the camera rolls, that fish had better be firmly in your hands, showing your future wife who’s swiping through vanilla, non-fishing Chads that you’re not afraid to get your hands dirty. You’ll scrap and provide everything she ever dreamed of, right after you’re done financing that new fly rod… and waders… and the boat….
3. Look at the fish, not at the camera.
Unless you’re Butch Brown, the GOAT of bass fishing, and prepared to “mean mug” the camera with five giant bass on your stringer, your gaze should be fixed firmly upon your catch.
The angle is perfect for showing off your undoubtedly chiseled jawline and provides an opportunity for a casual triceps flex. Looking at the fish tells The Swiper that maybe you’re just not that into her after all, and girls can’t resist a strange guy on the internet who’s playing hard to get.
Just make sure you try not to look too stoked. It’s your passion, so you catch fish like this all the time. Right?
4. If you’re noodling catfish, do whatever the hell you want.
If you’re the type who hoists monster catfish out of the river with your bare hands, you’re a different breed.
And if you put that fish pic on Tinder, it doesn’t matter whether you’re looking at the camera or at the fish or your half-eaten hand hanging out of its mouth, you are a legend.
Frankly, it doesn’t matter if The Swiper on Tinder likes your pic with that monster or not. Be true to yourself, you Beast. Because who knows, the next Hannah Barron could be out there just trying to find the right guy to noodle with late into the night.
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So good luck and skill out there, fellow anglers! The fish are biting, The Swipers are swiping, and the noodlers are noodling. Keep your iPhones at the ready, and snap that swoon-worthy fish pic of her dreams this season. This is YOUR year.
And ladies, this goes for you too…