The Most Hilarious Yelp Reviews Of Downtown Nashville’s Lower Broadway Bars

Neon signs in Nashville
Shutterstock

Ah, Yelp.

We’ve all probably used it at one point or another, trying to figure out where to eat or places to avoid.

But the best part of Yelp is reading the reviews.

Usually it’s somebody who either had a great experience, or something happened that has them flaming mad and they can’t wait to get home to write about it online like they’re an investigative journalist dropping a bombshell that’s going to make the front page of the New York Times. All because their pizza was cold or their service was slow.

I love reading Yelp reviews.

So I decided to check out the Yelp reviews of some of the bars on Lower Broadway here in Nashville to see if I could find any gems.

And they didn’t disappoint, so I figured I’d share some of the best.

Here are some of my favorites:

Robert’s Western World

This person was shocked to find out that a honky tonk isn’t the most kid-friendly place.

Text

I think this is supposed to be a compliment…

Text

Ok, I KNOW this one is a compliment.

 Text

The Stage

Ok Karen.

Text

Luke’s 32 Bridge

Wait, was the port-a-potty in the bar? Are they saying this place was worse than a port-a-potty? What’s the deal with the port-a-potty?

Text

This person had a great experience thanks to Josh’s thiccc thighs.

Text

So it’s like mainstream country music, but in restaurant form.

Text

Nudie’s Honky Tonk

To be fair, everywhere on Broadway has views of basic girls doing photo shoots. And choch monchers.

Text

This guy has apparently never heard of Nudie Cohn and was expecting…well, something else.

Text

Second Fiddle

Still gave it four stars though.

Text

AJ’s Good Time Bar

I wouldn’t trust this review too much because this person must not have even known where they were at by the time they got to AJ’s (which is definitely on Broadway).

Text

And it’s definitely not on a beach.

Text

Dierks Bentley’s Whiskey Row

What do you have against leprechauns, Dierks?

Graphical user interface, text, application

Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge

In the words of Wheeler Walker Jr: “It don’t bother me none that you smell like piss.”

Graphical user interface, text

These bachelor/bachelorette party activities are getting weird.

Text

He gave it five stars, so I guess we know what he was looking for.

Text

Layla’s

That seems a little extreme.

Text

Legends Corner

Soccer moms and grandmas need to have fun too.

Text, letter

I bet these guys would have been into the soccer moms.

Graphical user interface, text

Can you really be sure your son didn’t piss in a trash can?

Graphical user interface, text, application, email

Ole Red

This person apparently really wanted to take their gun into Blake Shelton’s bar for some reason.

Graphical user interface

Kid Rock’s Big Ass Honky Tonk Rock ‘N Roll Steakhouse

This one was so long that I had to edit it down but man, it sounds like Rich is a real loose cannon.

 

Text

Somehow this isn’t even the grossest story to come out of Kid Rock’s. (We all remember the colostomy bag incident, right?)

Text

This review sounds like it was written by Kid Rock himself.

Text

So there you have it. After hours of poring over Yelp reviews, those are some of my favorites from our finest establishments on Lower Broadway.

Now obviously I can’t speak for the accuracy of any of these reviews, and like I said, these reviews are usually written by somebody who either absolutely loves the place or hated it because of a single bad experience.

But luckily for us, they decided to put their opinions online for the world to see.

And there are plenty more where that came from. Yelp is a goldmine of hilarious reviews – so maybe I’ll just need to make this a recurring series.

A beer bottle on a dock

STAY ENTERTAINED

A beer bottle on a dock