The 2024 UEFA European Championship, aka Euro 2024, is going on right now to determine which international team earns bragging rights as the superior country. It only comes around every four years, and although it’s not quite World Cup levels of intensity, it’s right up there for European supporters. Think Champions League but with World Cup teams/hopefuls from Europe.
Anyway, obviously the United States isn’t represented here and will wait to grace the World Cup stage as automatic-qualifying co-hosts in 2026, but one of our nation’s most accomplished players, Landon Donovan, is an analyst for Fox Sports. He’s on the scene in Germany to break down the action. To put this next bit kindly, any consensus you’ll find on the Internet will conclude that Donovan the broadcaster doesn’t stack up with how good he was on the pitch in his prime.
And out of respect for what he’s done for men’s soccer in the U.S., we’ll put this next bit kindly, too: Donovan went on TV today with one of the funkiest hairdos ever seen.
"Watch out there could be an upset in the cards." 👀@IanDarke and @landondonovan preview France vs Austria in Düsseldorf 🇫🇷🇦🇹 pic.twitter.com/NeWtplQf4D
— FOX Soccer (@FOXSoccer) June 17, 2024
Landon Donovan let it go buddy… pic.twitter.com/p63Z3lxgD7
— The 44 ⚽️ (@The_Forty_Four) June 17, 2024
Poor fella. Every man has to make the decision to either shave their head, go the wig route, or invest in some sort of hair regrowth odyssey. Donovan is stuck somewhere in the middle of all these avenues and seems paralyzed on how to proceed. I empathize with the guy. However, the adult content Wild West of Elon Musk’s X/Twitter — pro tip: don’t search “choke” without “rory choke” even if you’re writing about a U.S. Open collapse in real time — isn’t nearly as kind as I or other men struggling with what do to about their hair falling out.
Landon Donovan must have been told to shave his sideburns. pic.twitter.com/S6mQj0yqFd
— Joe Doyle (@joedoyle_) June 17, 2024
Lord please take all of Landon Donovan's pain and baldness, double it and give it to Alexi Lalas https://t.co/EGh2WhMs64
— j (@gi_bitchhh) June 17, 2024
Someone hook up Landon Donovan with a proper barber out in Germany….what is bro doing out there with that pic.twitter.com/Sgry2EB1Tp
— Wu Tang is for the Children (@WUTangKids) June 17, 2024
You can tell Landon Donovan doesn’t have any friends, because no one told that you can’t go on tv with that haircut. pic.twitter.com/hLIzorg5nf
— Wilbur DeLashmet (@wilburdelashmet) June 17, 2024
“I’m Landon Donovan, welcome to Jackass…” pic.twitter.com/rqF3UOfOg9
— Biggies Malls 2.0 (@Biggies_MaIIs) June 17, 2024
Landon Donovan went to his barber and asked for an LA Galaxy haircut.
When it was done he asked the barber “What the fk is this? I said LA Galaxy!”
Barber says “That’s what you got… Not a lot at the front, weak in the middle and fk all at the back” pic.twitter.com/l7JQCZwqqV
— Craig (@Craig201874) June 17, 2024
Landon Donovan: “I wanna a cut that looks like Edward Scissorhands did it after 13 Carlbergs.”
Barber: “Say no more fam.” pic.twitter.com/iRD7eh76Dw
— Cody Ulm (@CodyUlm) June 17, 2024
Landon Donovan please stop https://t.co/tCYRRE8XT6 pic.twitter.com/a0PJ37pcsR
— Robert Bickel (@RobertB81022) June 17, 2024
Alright. I think that’ll suffice. I would normally say, “How about y’all put some respect on this man’s name!?” In this instance, I get why Donovan is taking so much heat for his hairstyle. Or like, whatever that situation he has on his scalp would be considered.
We can kind of see what Donovan would look like with a shaved head. I think he’d look pretty damn good! Hopefully he goes that route in lieu of some sort of surgical intervention, because what he’s rocking right now will be the subject of relentless scrutiny on the interwebs until he makes the call to mow it all off.
Ending on a positive note, at least it appears Donovan doesn’t give a damn what anyone thinks of him. Do whatever makes you comfy, champ. Just wouldn’t personally recommend that ‘do.
