NBA Defrauder Glen Davis Rationalizes 3.5-Year Prison Sentence As God Punishing Him For Eating Hamburgers & Cheetos

Glen “Big Baby” Davis
Glen “Big Baby” Davis

According to NBA veteran Glen “Big Baby” Davis, his 40-month prison sentence couldn’t possibly be connected to his role in a conspiracy to defraud the NBA’s Players’ Health and Benefit Welfare Plan by submitting false medical claims for prospective compensation. Nope. This was God’s will.

Per Davis, who struggled with keeping weight off while he was an active NBA player, his refusal to stop gorging on hamburgers and Cheetos is to blame for his impending incarceration.

ESPN reported the news of Davis’ sentencing on Thursday, and some time later, the 38-year-old streamed a live reaction video once he learned of his legal fate. This is where he got into his dietary issues, and the notion that divine intervention on behalf of those is why he won’t be a free man in society for the foreseeable future. (Note: NSFW joke at the beginning of the vid. You have been warned).

“I’m gonna be swole, though. I swear on God — I’m about to get in so much shape. On God. That’s the only way you can stop me from eating hamburgers is put me in jail.

That’s what God said: I’mma stop you eating hamburgers, I’mma put you in jail. You won’t stop eating hamburgers and Cheetos? You’re going to jail. So now, I’m [about to become] The Rock.”

On God, or whatever higher power you prefer, this is objectively very funny. I’d be remiss, however, to not acknowledge the very human side of how Big Baby has declined since stepping away from the hardwood. He was an exciting college player at LSU, carved out a solid career as a second-round pick, and even won a championship in 2008 as a key role player for the Boston Celtics.

From that previously linked ESPN story, the final line of it is a quote from Davis, which he said to the judge right before his sentencing: “When I lost basketball, I lost myself…I ask you, your honor, to help me get back to who I am.”

Having covered a recent story about Shaq — a far more decorated NBA player than Davis — and his struggles in coming to terms with his basketball playing days being over, it’s worth granting some of that consideration and empathy to Davis. He’s battled weight issues all his life, and Davis’ lawyer actually advocated for treatment for cannabis addiction as part of his sentencing. So clearly, the weight issues, decision-making, heavy cannabis use, and so forth…it’s all connected. It paints a pretty sad picture of where Davis’ life is at, especially given that nobody was there for Davis when he was sentenced.

So while I can empathize with Davis to a certain degree, there’s no excuse for conspiring to defraud the NBA out of millions of dollars. Davis was looking for a way to make quick and easy money. He was being lazy and self-destructive. Former players who have legitimate injuries need that money. A lot of them played well before Davis’ heyday in, like, high-top Chuck Taylors with much less cushy traveling arrangements and far less sophisticated medical care.

What’s left to do but invoke our guy Stephen A. Smith’s sage, pun-intended evergreen wisdom?

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock