Michigan Police Are Trying To Figure Out Who Keeps Pooping On The Headstones In A Local Cemetery

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Rest in…poop?

Michigan police are on the hunt for a serial pooper who’s apparently been hitting up the local cemetery to leave his…well, presents on the headstones of various graves.

Apparently it’s been happening at the Northview Cemetery in Dearborn, Michigan since February, when the first report came in of somebody dropping a deuce on a gravesite. And since then, it’s happened a total of seven times, each to a different headstone.

As of right now there aren’t any leads into the shitty situation, but police are working to identify the grave dropper.

Now, I know what you’re thinking? Can’t they just send the poop off to the lab to collect DNA? (It’s fine if you weren’t thinking that because I wasn’t either).

Well yes, they could, but apparently they haven’t because apparently there are more serious crimes going on in Michigan than going two on a tomb.

“Dearborn police have not submitted the stool for DNA testing. At this time, the (s)tate is prioritizing a backlog of evidence involved in more serious cases.”

I’m not sure what could possess somebody to do this. I can’t think of much that would be more disrespectful than literally shitting on somebody’s grave. And the fact that it’s happened seven different times obviously means it’s not a coincidence, or a homeless person just looking for somewhere to relieve themselves.

This is somebody who’s made the conscious decision to go to the cemetery, pick out a grave, drop their pants, and take a dump right on the headstone. And they’ve made that decision SEVEN TIMES.

I’m not saying that’s how you end up with a ghost haunting your ass (no pun intended), but…

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock