This is one way to get me to come watch your parade.
Full disclosure, I used to live in New Orleans so that’s pretty much ruined parades anywhere else for me. After spending two straight weeks watching massive floats and marching bands during Mardi Gras, somehow a Christmas parade with a bunch of firetrucks and the guy from the local furniture store riding in a trailer behind a pickup truck just doesn’t do it for me anymore.
But it seems like Whitehouse, Texas may have cracked the parade code – yet somehow people are mad?
Apparently during the town’s annual Christmas parade, an “unregistered vehicle” managed to get into the lineup, which is hilarious in and of itself. Just some drunk redneck who shows up to watch the parade and was just like, “F*ck it, let’s get in line.”
But even more hilarious was that apparently the guy just started throwing out whatever was in his truck to spectators – including things like air fresheners, deodorant, vitamins, a bottle of lotion, cigarette lighters, and bottles of liquor.
I mean, when you’ve got to improvise, you make due with what you have.
For some reason though, people were upset at this guy for throwing out alcohol during the parade. Would you have preferred stale Jolly Ranchers?
A post in a local Facebook group showed a picture of a bottle of Yukon Jack Honey whiskey that the poster claims was thrown to his child:
“Anyone else think it’s inappropriate for a parade float to be tossing whiskey bottles out the window?
I had to take it from my kid before she drank it.”
Ok, yeah, I see why that’s a problem.
The Whitehouse Area Chamber of Commerce has said that the vehicle was not a registered or approved entrant in the parade, and that they filed a police report about the incident.
But in yet another twist, the police department released a statement revealing that no charges would be filed – because apparently, it was the driver’s 3 and 4 year old children in the backseat that was throwing the liquor bottles, and they can’t prove that the driver knew about it:
“After the 2023 Whitehouse Christmas Parade, the Whitehouse Police Department received reports of at least one airplane-sized bottle of alcohol being thrown from a vehicle during the event.
Upon reviewing all the facts in this case, we found insufficient supporting evidence to establish that the driver of the vehicle was aware that the children (ages 3 and 4) had thrown out at least one bottle of alcohol during the parade. While it may be argued that one would likely know if their child engaged in such behavior, our investigation lacks the evidence needed to confirm the driver’s awareness.
Our investigation concluded that the driver did not intend for the alcohol to be thrown during the parade and that he would not have allowed it to be thrown had he been more aware. The driver confirmed that he should not have entered the parade since he was not part of it.
We understand that there may be differing opinions related to this incident. However, it is our responsibility to remain as fair as possible when investigating cases. This means we must review the case based on the facts and the laws.”