Coors Light Launches Beer Popsicles For March Madness But… They Don’t Have Any Alcohol?

Coors Light

You can definitely categorize this in the “March Madness” folder.

Not because it has legendary college basketball analyst Dickie V in it, or because the launch has been perfectly timed with the NCAA Tournament, but instead because you would have to be crazy to enjoy a non-alcoholic Coors Light popsicle.

Coors Light announced the “Coors-sicle” just in time for the madness of college basketball in March. They enlisted Dick Vitale, who has been announcing college basketball games at ESPN for 41 years, to be an “Ambassador of Chill” for the beer brand.

The idea is that this beer-flavored popsicle will help fans keep their cool during the fiery chaos that is the NCAA tournament.

The 83 year old Vitale is certified chill in the commercial. Props to him for stunting his acting chops for the short Coors Light ad. I am “chill” with Dick Vitale being a “Chill Ambassador.”

I am “not chill” with this horrendous disgrace they are passing off as a popsicle though. Everyone loves a frosty, ice cold beer, but I don’t know how I feel about a beer popsicle. Especially a Coors Light beer popsicle.

Why am I so up in arms about this “Coors-sicle” you might ask? Because it is NON-ALCOHOLIC (sorry for yelling). What makes even less sense is that they can only be sold to people over 21 years of age.

I don’t know many people that drink Coors Light “for the taste.” Taking away the alcohol in it is like taking Tom Cruise out of the Mission Impossible movies. If that element isn’t in it anymore, then what is even the point?

Probably not a great move by me to compare “Tom Cruise” to “Coors Light,” but I digress. Anyways, take a look at the Dick Vitale led Coors Light popsicle advertisement:

This might be controversial, but the “Coors-sicle” seems like a great opportunity for those “anti drug and alcohol” school programs.

Give a kid one of these (it’s non-alcoholic remember) and say this is what all alcohol tastes like. Really sell it and say “this is as good as it gets.” All of the sour faced kids will never touch a drop of alcohol in their lives.

Maybe this is one of those products that starts as something but then actually has a better use as something else. Like how bubble wrap was initially invented to be wallpaper and then someone said “that looks terrible as wallpaper, let’s use it to keep fragile items safer as they are being moved.”

If you are interested in trying the beer-flavored popsicle (what is wrong with you? are you okay?), the Coors-sicle will have a very limited release between now and March 24th on their website, as well as being at random bars across the country.

Looks like Twitter agrees with me on this one though:

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock