Zach Bryan Announces The ‘Burn, Burn, Burn Tour’ With Incredible ’90s Infomercial Starring Theo Von

Theo Von


Zach Bryan, a true man of the people, just announced his 2023 Burn, Burn, Burn tour, and as promised, he’s fighting the good fight to give fans a chance at fairly priced tickets through a private ticket vendor.

I think we’ve all heard about the insanity going on over at large ticketing companies, which swept headlines across the country in the wake of the Taylor Swift fiasco, and Zach promised fans he would find a way to do it differently.

He took to Youtube to exclusively announce the tour will kick off in May, and introduced none other than the Rat King himself as our guide through the ticketing process…

“Hey guys, my name is Zach Bryan, and I’ve tried my best to make tickets as affordable as possible for the ‘Burn, Burn, Burn’ tour.

And here is the Austin, Texas resident, the self-proclaimed rat king of America, and the only man to ever lease a mullet to his own skull, to explain to you guys how it’s gonna work. Thank you guys so much, can’t wait to see you there.”

Comedian Theo Von hilariously then explained in-detail how it will work, notably that tickets will range from $40 and be capped at $130, with low service fees, along with credit card fees and state taxes that “Zach and his sound homies have no control over”:

“What’s up, you little orange-loving, happy and sad at the same time Zach Bryan, cult-worshipping good people of America, it’s your boy himself, the Lord’s oyster.

And I’m here  to tell you exactly how this shit’s gonna go down. Tickets will start at $40, and won’t be higher than $130. Service fees will be as low as $10 and no higher than $20 per ticket, plus credit card fees and state taxes, that Zach and his sound homies have no control over.”

Fans can start registering now at, and will be randomly selected to buy tickets at a later date.

If selected, fans will begin receiving emails on February 13th with further purchase information:

“There will be absolutely no bullshit at all, no hidden fees or ninja (dynamic) pricing. Register for these hitters now through January 29th at fair access. That’s

These registration will be scrubbed tore move scalpers, bots, and low road lizards.”

And in an effort to keep scalpers and bots completely out of it, tickets purchased via access cannot be transferred or resold for profit.

They can, however, be resold on for face value. Which means, whatever you do, do NOT buy a ticket for a Zach Bryan show on any other site, no matter what, because you won’t be getting into the concert with it.

There is also a four ticket limit to give more people a chance at catching a show, and these rules go for headlining shows only, not any of his festival or rodeo dates.

It’s truly incredible to see an artist put this much effort into making sure their actual fans will not only get tickets, but pay a fair and decent price for them, and reminds me a lot of the Eric Church method and how he goes about selling tickets.

I think Theo summed it best, though:

“We’re out here fighting the good fight with these human snakes at ticketing companies, and dark art bots on the internet.

Good luck. And here’s to fair pricing for all.”

Amen to that…

Check out the full list of dates here:

2023 Burn, Burn, Burn tour dates:

* Indicates Festival Dates – on sale now

*Apr 15 Georgetown, TX Two Step Inn Festival
May 10 Charlottesville, VA John Paul Jones Arena
May 12 Worcester, MA DCU Center
May 13 Wilkes-Barre, PA Mohegan Sun Arena at Casey Plaza
May 15 Duluth, GA Gas South Arena
May 19 Houston, TX Toyota Center
May 20 New Orleans, LA Smoothie King Center
May 23 Jacksonville, FL VyStar Veterans Memorial Arena
May 24 N Charleston, SC North Charleston Coliseum
May 26 Albany, NY MVP Arena
May 28 London, ON Budweiser Gardens
May 31 Philadelphia, PA Wells Fargo Center
June 02 Cleveland, OH Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse
*June 03 Lexington, KY Railbird Festival
June 23 New York, NY Forest Hills Stadium
June 26 Denver, CO Red Rocks Amphitheatre
June 27 Denver, CO Red Rocks Amphitheatre
*July 07 Milwaukee, WI Summerfest
*July 13 Chicago, IL Windy City Smokeout
*July 14-16 Whitefish, MT Under The Big Sky Festival
*July 20-July 22 Cullman, AL Rock The South
*Aug 05 St. Charles, IA Hinterland Music Festival
Aug 07 Grand Rapids, MI Van Andel Arena
Aug 09 Minneapolis, MN Target Center
Aug 11 Tulsa, OK BOK Center
Aug 14 Sioux Falls, SD Denny Sanford PREMIER Center
Aug 17 Nampa, ID Ford Idaho Center
Aug 19 Las Vegas, NV T-Mobile Arena
Aug 20 Bakersfield, CA Mechanics Bank Arena
Aug 21 Oakland, CA Oakland Arena
Aug 23 Los Angeles, CA Arena
Aug 25 Glendale, AZ Desert Diamond Arena
Aug 27 Wichita, KS INTRUST Bank Arena
Aug 29 Lincoln, NE Pinnacle Bank Arena
Aug 30 Kansas City, MO T-Mobile Center

“Burn, Burn, Burn”

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock