Sir, that’s alcohol abuse.
A Florida man who’s apparently not a fan of White Claw was recently arrested for a long string of burglaries.
And get this: His name is Lawrence Franklin King Florida.
Larry F. King Florida
We may have found the ultimate Florida Man. The one Florida Man to rule them all.
According to WFLA, police say that Mr. Florida recently went on a crime spree around Zephyrhills, Florida, breaking into several businesses and residences.
Florida Man’s first stop was The Great Catch, a seafood restaurant, where he broke into the freezer, took all the White Claw and beer, and threw it into a retention pond behind the building.
I mean, I’m not a fan of White Claw either, but that seems a little extreme.
Florida then broke into a nearby barber shop and stole a set of clippers, a charging stand, and a set of wireless earbuds.
He then continued his crime spree by hitting up ANOTHER barber shop and stealing five more sets of clippers and two pairs of scissors.
Florida then broke into a carpet store – but apparently he couldn’t find anything he wanted there (or the rolls of carpet were too big to sneak out of the building) and he left empty handed.
Undeterred, Florida decided to hit up a bakery next, where he stole approximately $800 in cash, jackets, coins, cash bags, and keys. Oh, and he also left behind a pair of scissors from one of the barber shops. Florida Man is apparently not very good at hiding his tracks, because he’s leaving evidence everywhere.
But Florida Man wasn’t done yet, because his string of break-ins continued next at a veterinary clinic (wouldn’t be my first choice if I were going to do some burglarizing, but seems about par for the course for Florida Man), where he triggered an alarm and once again walked away empty handed.
Actually, not only did he walk away empty handed, but he walked away with less than he had when he walked in because he once again left behind some of his haul from one of his previous burglaries.
Well I guess Florida really decided to take the term “cat burglar” literally, because his next stop was Little Cat Rescue. Here he broke into an outdoor shed and stole some cat wormer, animal pain medication and syringes.
I mean, I guess I understand why somebody like this would steal pain meds and syringes – but de-wormer? That raises some questions…
Finally, after a long night out on the town, Florida made one more stop that would ultimately lead to his capture: He decided to steal his neighbor’s Ring doorbell.
He knows those things have cameras in them, right?
Larry Florida Gets Busted
Well Florida’s neighbor was able to recognize him on the video and alerted police, who were then able to track down our Florida Man, where he confessed to not only all of these break-ins, but also to burglarizing a nearby truck and stealing some tools out of a briefcase.
Oh, and Florida had dumped all of the items he had stolen and agreed to lead police to their locations.
So tell me, what exactly was the point of all of this when you’re just going to dump the items anyway? Was this just his idea of fun? Was he on some of that cat pain medication that he stole? And why did he steal the White Claw just to throw it into a pond?
I know, I know, I’m trying to make sense of Florida Man’s actions, which are usually beyond any reasonable explanation.
But man, this guy may take the title of Top Florida Man.
He definitely lived up to his name with this one.
