He might not have been able to say it very often, but it’s very clear that he loved all four of his children very deeply.
Dale Earnhardt Jr. had Hank Parker, a well-known professional bass fisherman and close friend of his father Dale Earnhardt, on a new episode of his podcast The Dale Jr. Download a little while back, and it’s full of great stories about Dale Sr. that you’ve probably never heard before, seeing as Hank was his best friend, there was a moment on the episode that left Dale Jr. pretty much speechless.
Hank explained that Dale had confided in him about his relationship with his kids when they were much younger, admitting that he had a very hard time expressing to them just how much he loved all of them. It’s no secret that Dale Jr. had a very complicated relationship with his dad while he was still alive, which was a stark contrast for both of them compared to the close bond Hank had with his son Hank Jr., also a close friend of Dale Jr.
Hank Sr. recalled a very specific conversation he had once after a day of hunting with Sr. about Dale Jr. in particular, and the whole time he’s talking, you can see from the look on Jr.’s face how deeply it affected him to hear all of this.
Hank explained that Dale Sr. told him:
“‘I don’t know how to love my kid like you love your kid.’ And I said, ‘Well we’re different, Dale. We’re different. You love him just as much as I love Hank Jr., you just don’t know how to express it.’ And he said, ‘Well, you know, I’m in broken marriages and I’m not married to their mom, and it’s hard.’ I said, ‘You just have to let go. You are who you are, and I know how much you love your kids, you just have a hard time expressing it.’”
He continued:
“And he never was able to express to you how much he loved you. He never was able, and you always felt like he loved you when you won, and he didn’t when you didn’t. And I could tell that.
And I’ve always wanted somehow to get you and just grab ahold of your shoulders and just tell you how hurt he was that he did not know how to express his love to you. And he teared up, and for Big E, The Intimidator and I sitting in the living room, to share that with me showed me how tight we were at heart as friends.”
It really is a touching and beautiful story, and Hank says that moment also showed him a side of The Intimidator most didn’t get to see, in that he really was hurt in feeling as though his kids never knew how much he really loved them:
“But it also showed me a side of him that was sad, ‘cuz he really wanted to have the same relationship… I’m outgoing, I’m free to talk and I’m not intimidated to say ‘ I love you.’
All that didn’t fit his demeanor, but it was in his heart. He expressed to me that day, he said, ‘I don’t know how to love my kids like you love your kids.’ I said, ‘Oh, you love them just as much, you just don’t know how to express it.’ And that was heartfelt.”
Dale Jr., who seemed pretty touched and taken back by the whole thing, laughed (kind of to keep from crying, I think) as he said:
“I’d have loved to have heard that story a long time ago.”
I can’t even imagine what it meant to him to hear that from someone who knew his dad better than pretty much anyone for so many years, especially knowing how much Dale Jr. has struggled with their less-than-perfect relationship and trying to hold himself to an insane standard to make his dad proud.
And during a recent interview with Parker on his YouTube channel, he and Jr. visited Parker’s old hunting cabin where he and Sr. used to hunt, where he showed off an old bench on the front porch where Sr. had eaten many cheeseburgers in his day.
When they went inside, Parker pointed out some of the old items that were still there, and showed Jr. around, where they recalled old stories and talked about some of the memories Jr. also had from going hunting with them when he was little.
But things got pretty serious when Parker recalled a phone call he had with his own son, and how he tried to hang up several times, and each time, he told his little boy how much he loved him. When they finally hung up, Sr. told him he “[couldn’t] do that,” and quickly changed the subject when Parker told him it was pretty simple:
“He was sitting right there on that couch, there was an old phone right here. I was sitting here, and he was sitting there. and Hank Jr. called, and I wouldn’t have answered it, but I thought, well, it might be an emergency.
So he’d tell me something, and I’d say, ‘Okay, buddy, i love you. Bye Bye. Okay/ What’s that? Okay, buddy, I love you. Bye Bye…’ and that went on about three times. and when I got up, he looked at me and said, ‘I can’t do that.’ I said, ‘Can’t do what?’ He’s like,’ I can’t tell my kind I love them.’
I said, ‘Well, you love them, why don’t you just tell them?’ ‘I can’t do that. Alright, What are we gonna have for lunch?’ I mean, immediately changed the subject.”
I think that says a lot about the personal and very emotional struggles he had as a dad, which did make the relationships with his kids pretty complicated at times. But again, that doesn’t change how much he really did love them, and it’s great that his friends are still around to give Jr. and the other siblings this kind of insight into a side of their dad they rarely got to see.
Parker also told a great story about convincing Sr. to join a very expensive hunting club in south Texas, which almost went very wrong and nearly left him on the hook for tens of thousands of dollars he didn’t really have to spare… check it out:
The full Dale Jr. Download episode with Parker gives great insight into Dale Sr.’s life and give a ton of perspective on why he was the way he was as a person and father, beyond the famous race car driver the public knew:
