Can’t win ’em all.
When you put yourself out there creatively like country artists do on a regular basis, chances are there are going to be some misses among the many hits. Every artist probably has songs in their catalog that they wish they could take back, or at the very least wouldn’t release today for one reason or another.
Sometimes, that reason is that the song is just bad. And I’m not talking about songs that just may not be your taste, or may not be as good as the rest of an artist’s catalog. I’m talking about the genuine headscratchers, the ones that make you say, “Wtf were they thinking?” and that nobody could possible enjoy – at least not unironically.
We asked you guys to name some bad songs by great artists, and while we got some great answers, there were a lot that seemed to be a matter of taste. I mean, there’s nothing objectively horrible about songs like “Starting Over” by Chris Stapleton or “American Kids” by Kenny Chesney, even if they may not be your favorite from these legends. (Another one that was mentioned frequently was “The Joint” by Eric Church, which definitely isn’t his greatest song and is a little outside the box but I don’t think it’s as bad as apparently some of y’all do).
Oh, and there were other people who answered something like “everything by Morgan Wallen,” which makes no sense: The question was “bad songs by otherwise great artists,” so if you’re saying their entire catalog is bad, I don’t think you really understood the question. But thanks for playing regardless, I guess.
Anyway, we got some great answers that prove even the best artists sometimes miss the mark, so let’s take a look at some of the worst songs by otherwise great artists:
“Accidental Racist” – Brad Paisley feat. LL Cool J
This song could be an entire article in itself.
Brad Paisley is undoubtedly one of the biggest and best artists of the last two decades. If you were listening to country music in the early 2000’s, chances are the “Mud on the Tires” singer was a big part of your rotation. His first few albums were incredible from top to bottom, and enough to rocket Brad to the top ranks of country music.
But what the hell were they thinking with this one?
I get that the song was supposed to address racial tension and serve as a sort of common ground for a white southerner who was proud of his heritage and a black man who still has to face the ugly reality of racism, but man, this one completely missed the mark.
With lyrics like “If you don’t judge my gold chains, I’ll forget the iron chains” comparing jewelry to slave shackles, many claimed that the song “Accidental Racist” was… accidentally racist.
Now obviously everybody involved with the song had good intentions in trying to promote discussions of how cultural differences can be harmful or offensive to others, but the song was universally considered a failure and has even been pointed to as the turning point where Brad Paisley‘s career started to go downhill.
“Brown Chicken Brown Cow” – Trace Adkins
There’s no denying that Trace Adkins has a catalog filled with hits, from heartbreakers like “Every Light In the House ” to steamy love songs like “I Left Something Turned On At Home” to tearjerkers like “You’re Gonna Miss This” and “Arlington.”
But man, for somebody with so many great songs in his catalog, he’s really released some absolute dogsh*t too with songs like “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” and “Swing.” Neither of those, though, come close to the monstrosity that is “Brown Chicken Brown Cow.”
The cheeky song was controversial when it was released, and many radio stations even refused to play it, given the sexual innuendo: The song is a whole play on “bow chicka bow wow.” Let’s take a look at the lyrics:
“Now the hay needs haulin’, the hogs need slop
The corn needs cuttin’ but the tractor’s stopped
They climbin’ up the ladder, clear through the loft
Shuckin’ those dirty ol’ work clothes off
Singin’ brown chicken, brown cow
(Ain’t nobody watchin’ but the)
Brown chicken, brown cow”
What makes it worse, though, is that the song was written by one of the greatest songwriters in country music, Casey Beathard, the man responsible for songs like “Find Out Who Your Friends Are” by Tracy Lawrence, “Don’t Blink” by Kenny Chesney, and Eric Church hits like “Homeboy,” “Hell Of A View” and “Like Jesus Does.”
Shocking that so many great minds can come together and make such a terrible song.
“Swayze” – Zac Brown
Now, Zac Brown Band is an interesting one because while they have a generally great catalog filled with hits like “Colder Weather,” “Highway 20 Ride,” “Toes,” and of course, “Chicken Fried.” But around 2019, Zac seemed to have a midlife crisis or something and went WAY out of the box with the Zac Brown Band’s album The Owl, which featured collabs with artists like Skrillex and Benny Blanco. And he followed that up by also releasing a solo album Controversy, which featured maybe one of the worst songs of all time, “Swayze.”
I mean, just look at the lyrics, and I don’t think I really have to say anything else:
‘”Cause I can’t be your Tom Cruise, b*tch
I’m Patrick Swayze
Every time I get a new b*tch, I meet a new b*tch
I’m just sayin’, I’m so Swayze (Swayze)
‘Bout to ghost on you (Patrick Swayze)
Swayze, Swayze b*tch
‘B-Bout to ghost on you (Swayze)
Patrick Swayze, I’m just sayin’
I’m so Swayze, b*tch
‘Bout to ghost on you
I can’t be your Tom Cruise”
Hard to believe that’s the same guy who released a masterpiece like “Colder Weather.”
“The Chicken In Black” – Johnny Cash
There’s no denying that Johnny Cash is a country music legend who probably belongs on the Mount Rushmore of all-time great artists. With so many iconic songs in his catalog like “Ring of Fire,” “I Walk the Line” and “Folsom Prison Blues,” it’s hard to believe the legendary artist released a song called “The Chicken In Black” and dressed up like a bank-robbing chicken for a music video.
If you’re not familiar with the song, which went viral on TikTok recently, here’s the premise:
“The Chicken In Black” tells the story of Johnny Cash getting a brain transplant, but his new brain came from a dead bank robber and instead of singing, Johnny too turns to robbing banks (and the crowd at the Grand Ole Opry). And when he calls and asks for his old brain back, it turns out it’s been implanted in a chicken who has turned into a country music star and has his own TV show, “The Johnny Chicken Show.”
Yeah, it was kind of out there.
There’s an urban legend that Johnny knew the song was bad and released it simply as a ploy to get out of his contract with his label. But the truth is that he liked the song, which was penned by legendary songwriter Gary Gentry, at the time when it was released, and Johnny even had a history of less serious songs like “A Boy Named Sue.”
However, in later years, Johnny seemed to have changed his tune on the song: He would go on to call it “intentionally atrocious” and even told his record label to stop promoting it.
You can’t win ’em all.
“The King Is Gone (So Are You)” – George Jones
It’s hard to imagine the same legend who gave us “He Stopped Loving Her Today” doing a Fred Flintstone impersonation in a song, but that’s exactly what we got with his 1989 single “The King Is Gone (So Are You).”
The ridiculous song is about a man going through a breakup who opens a whiskey decanter shaped like Elvis and drinks from a Fred Flintstone jar while imagining the conversation between the characters:
“‘Round about ten we all got to talking
‘Bout Graceland, Bedrock and such
The conversation finally turned to women
But they said they didn’t get around too much
Elvis said, “Find ’em young.”
And Fred said, “Old Fashioned girls are fun.”
Yabba Dabba Doo, the King is gone
And so are you”
Yeah, not exactly “The Grand Tour.”
“Truck Yeah” – Tim McGraw
This one was just a bizarre choice for an artist with so many great songs in his catalog. Dropping right in the middle of the bro-country disaster, the song features mentions of listening to Lil Wayne on the iPod and jacked up trucks while sounding more like Tim McGraw trying to chase a trend than release a single that he genuinely thought was a good song.
“Let me hear you say, truck yeah
I wanna get it jacked up, yeah
Let’s crank it on up, yeah
With a little bit of luck I can find me a girl with a truck, yeah
We can love it on up, yeah
‘Til the sun comes up, yeah
And if you think this life I love is a little too country
Truck yeah”
I’ll stick to “Live Like You Were Dying,” thanks Tim.
“Back That Thing Up” – Justin Moore
Justin Moore is one of my favorite country artists, and in my opinion one of the most underrated guys out there with hits like “If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away,” “Small Town USA,” “The Ones That Didn’t Make It Back Home” and of course, “Bait A Hook.” But I have a feeling that even he wouldn’t defend his first radio single “Back That Thing Up” from back in 2008.
The steamy song features plenty of sexual innuendo – and farm equipment, which is never really a great sign:
“I know you scared of that cock-a-doodle-do
Don’t worry he ain’t going to hurt you
I know you ain’t never milked a cow before
You ain’t never slung hay from a second floor barn door
You never heard of Daisy or of Ellie May
Well, that’s okay cause we got all day
Honey, back that thing up
Throw it in reverse, let daddy load it up
Honey, back that thing up
If you going to work a farm you got to learn to drive a truck
Honey, back that thing up”
In Justin’s defense, this is one of the few singles that he didn’t also have a hand in writing – but it WAS written by another (incredibly underrated) great artist, Randy Houser.
Tough look all around.
