This is why I hate being around people.
Noah Kahan, the indie folk superstar best known for songs like “Stick Season” and “The Great Divide,” has issued a plea to his fans after an incident during his show in Philadelphia earlier this week: Please don’t poop on the floor during his shows.
I mean, common sense, right? Well remember folks, we have warnings on shampoo bottles for a reason, and it’s because there’s always going to be somebody who does something stupid. And apparently during his show at Citizens Bank Park in Philly on Friday, a fan seated near the front of the stage left behind a less-than-welcome present for the cleaning crew.
Video quickly went viral of the disgusting scene, appearing to show the evidence smeared along the floor during the concert, just a couple rows from the front of the stage and beside the aisle.
It’s also important to point out that THIS WAS IN A SECTION WITH SEATS: It didn’t happen in the pit where people wear diapers to make sure they don’t lose their spot, or going to the bathroom means you end up in the back of the pit. Whoever did this could have very easily left and came back to their seat. There wasn’t even anybody blocking their path.
One other thing to note, the video was taken while Kahan was still on stage, so this wasn’t something that happened or was discovered AFTER the show. This person just straight up decided to make their bathroom emergency everybody else’s problem around them.
(For the record, I’m not linking the video here because it’s disgusting, but you can find it if you want to).
After the video went viral, a couple people who claimed to be seated nearby took to social media to share what happened, with a Reddit user calling it “unreal” to witness:
“Ok so the person who did this was one row in front of me in section AA. I guess they didn’t want to miss a couple songs to use the bathroom so they just straight up s— themselves (mind you not liquid or anything in case anyone thinks this was an accident) and started picking actual pieces of poop out of their butt and put it on the floor. She started trying to waffle stomp the turds and acted like nothing happened but we flagged down security. One of the most unreal concert experiences I’ve ever witnessed.”
Another woman who claimed to be nearby took to TikTok with largely the same story:
@shannoniscryingagain Noah Kahan Philly Poopgate story time from the person sitting behind her. Please be nice this is my first tik tok 😭
And apparently Noah himself got wind of the incident, because he took to social media yesterday with a passionate plea to his fans begging them not to poop on the floor during his shows:
“If you have to poop at a show please dear god just go to the bathroom lmao I’ve pooped my pants as much as the next 29 year old but you guys gotta understand there’s a venue worker out there with a 1000 yard stare after dealing with that”
https://x.com/NoahKahan/status/2070905805465940425
Now, I’m not sure how much “the next 29 year old” has pooped themselves, but the fact that he has to tell grown adults not to poop on the floor at a concert really just shows you how much some people suck. I’ve been to hundreds of concerts, and not a single one of them was worth pooping myself for. It’s really fine to miss a couple songs to answer the call of nature, and save everybody around you from having to dance in your mess the rest of the night. Not to mention the poor venue employees who now have to deal with cleaning up actual human poop because somebody didn’t want to miss “All Them Horses.”
People really suck sometimes. For the love of God, don’t wear a diaper to a concert but also don’t poop on the floor either.
Talk about a literal sh– show.
