Christianity is experiencing quite the curiosity revival right now. Polls show young people are more interested in religion than we’ve seen in decades (especially young men), we’re seeing revivals and baptisms happening across college campuses, Bible sales are through the roof right now, and we’ve seen a number of prominent entertainers and celebrities voice their interest in Christianity. Joe Rogan, a longtime critic of religion, talked recently about going to church now, and his buddy and fellow comedian, Theo Von, just laid out one of the most heartfelt, transparent, and self-aware pleas for God to move in his life that I’ve probably ever heard on a public platform like this. Just an absolute masterclass in vulnerability, honestly, and humility… we gotta talk about it.
Honestly, it’s been weighing on my mind for days since I first saw it, and I probably should’ve blogged on it earlier, but I’ve seen a number of people sharing it, pastors talking about it, even country singer Cody Jinks shared it… it’s gaining viral attention and for good reason. But to set the stage in case you’re unfamiliar, Theo released a solo podcast last week titled “Something Different,” where he took some fan questions and one fan sent him a long question about battling something many of us deal with… the competing desire to better yourself but also not be completely alone. The caller said that he often time feels lonely and will tend to isolate himself to focus on being a better person, avoiding vices, making good decisions etc… but then starts to feel lonely so he goes out with friends and parties too hard, chases girls, and wakes up feeling terrible about himself… rinse, repeat. An endless cycle of loneliness and shame. And since Theo has been open about trying to better himself, and has battled addiction in the past, the caller asked him how he tries to break this cycle.
And Theo’s answer was incredibly honest and emotional, but more importantly… it was downright powerful. Here’s a clip of the emotional conversation:
I found myself just weeping during that clip. In part, because I can relate to that… but also in part because nothing gives me more joy than seeing someone desperate for God to intervene in their life. Seeing someone genuinely humble themselves at the feet of Jesus and plea for transformation all while God, rich in love and mercy, continues to draw Theo nearer and nearer… it’s a warm blanket to my soul.
So let’s break it down… here’s what Theo said:
“I’ve been struggling, man. The past like couple years, I’ve had, you know… it’s been a struggle. In certain ways with certain behaviors that I’m just not proud of, right? Or really just behaviors that I didn’t want to do anymore. Um, and I couldn’t change it. I couldn’t change the cycle. And even as I say this, I’m afraid that I’ll fall back into those behaviors. But I’ll tell you what for me has been helpful recently.
Sorry if I sound a little animated, I just… I’ve been like going through this in my own life recently and it’s on the tip of my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I’d realize for myself I would pray to God to help me get away from certain behaviors in my life. But at the same time that I was praying, there would be a part of me that knew I was probably gonna do those things again. You know? That I was probably gonna do those things again. Like, “God, please help me, I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t want to have this behavior,” but there’d be a little part of me that was like… I know even as I ask for God’s help that I’m gonna do it again. I would know that.
So I started praying like this. I started praying like, “God, please help me with this.” You know? “This is a broken part of me that I bring to you, I need help with it.” And then I would add to my prayer, I would say, “And God, even as I pray to you right now, there’s a part of me that knows I’m probably lying to you. There’s a part of me that knows I’m gonna do that behavior again. So can you come into THAT part of me and help me there? Help me in the part of me that knows as I pray that I am lying.'”
What a profound level of self-examination and awareness. Praying to God like he’s… God, right? I think sometimes we treat God like a genie and are like “Hey, just give me this, I don’t want to do this anymore.” And that desire can be good and genuine, but deep down you know you’re gonna do it again… and guess what, God knows that too. And it can feel silly to pray for something like that so we just pretend like it’ll never happen again and we’re gonna white knuckle through it. But eventually, it’s probably going to happen again. Unless… there is transformation from the inside out. But He knows that, and He still tells us to come to Him, to cast our burdens on Him, to draw nearer to Him. And that’s exactly what Theo is asking God for.
He continues:
“I don’t know if that sounds crazy or not, but… but I started to think that like a connection between us and a higher power, it’s such the realest—it’s like, in my life it’s one of the realest things that I’ve ever witnessed. You go into recovery meetings and you see people’s lives change. You see something happen. You see miracles. But that was what was happening. I couldn’t change. I couldn’t… I tried everything. I tried everything to change. I would tell myself I’m gonna do it different, I’m gonna do this, and it wouldn’t… I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it by myself. And my whole life I’ve done everything by myself. I thought. I thought I had.
And so something that’s just been helping me recently is just praying differently. You know? Because whatever’s inside of me that’s broken is really… it’s manipulative and it’s… you know, it would be good at pool because it’s good at the angles. But so yeah, so I’ve just been praying that God comes into those parts of me. You know? Don’t just come into like the water inside of me, come into the well, come into the walls of the well. Come into the mortar or whatever that’s between the bricks… ’cause I’m broken all the way there. You know? And I don’t mean that like in self-pity, I don’t mean it… but if there’s a part of me that doesn’t even want the best for me, then there’s something inside of me that is off.”
“Don’t just come into the water, come into the walls of the well”… man, that’ll PREACH. Again, just profound self-examination and really, fantastic articulation of his desperation and dependency on God to transform his heart. Theo truly sounds like a poet here. But what he’s touching on is his sinful nature that only God can heal. It’s Psalm 51 where David cries out that he’s sinned against God and God alone, sinful from the day he was born, and how only God can wash away his iniquity.
Theo goes on to say that he’s feeling this change happen in real time, it’s not just something on his mind that he’s been thinking about, he’s actively experiencing it. But here’s where it also gets hairy, Theo confesses that he knows his life will look radically different if he fully submits to God’s call on his life, to that “wooing of his soul” that he’s feeling right now. And like most of us, that’s a frightening sentiment. On the one hand, you know you’re miserable being stuck in this cycle of loneliness and shame, but at the same time, it’s all you know… it scary to make that leap of faith. It can cost you friends, family members, parts of his career could be affected, but it’s all worth it.
He references the man at the healing pool from John 5:
“That’s something that’s been helping me, because some of it’s been coming true… I don’t know if “coming true” is the term, but I don’t know, I’m starting to just feel something different. I was looking in this Bible, uh, and there’s a story called John 5. And it’s about a guy who’s at these pools, and some people follow the Bible, some people don’t, that’s fine. This is just a story that I’m reciting here. And Jesus is at the pools, and it’s in Bethesda, and they are like… there’s a sick man there and he’s been sick for a long time. And Jesus asks him, “Do you want to be healed?” He asks him, “Do you want to be healed?”
And that’s a crazy question because, you know, if I get healed, then I’m different. You know, if somebody gets healed, they have a new story. So that’s just been something that I’ve been having to ask myself. It’s like, do I want to be healed? Do I really want something different? And sometimes a lot of the answer is no, I don’t. I want something different but I don’t want to… I don’t know if I’m scared of it, I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I don’t want to do what it takes to get… I can’t even tell what it is. Yeah, so I think that’s what’s been helping me.”
Asking a sick person if they really want to be healed seems like a no-brainer, right? Like it’s almost offensive for Jesus to say that. And reading John 5, you’re thinking to yourself, “Of course he wants to be healed, why would Jesus ask that?” But as Theo wrestles with his own faith and conviction, that fear and doubt starts to creep in, and you start to understand why Jesus would say that. It’s more than a physical healing, or in Theo’s case, just deliverance from a particular sin… it’s a full life transformation, from the inside out.
He went on to say that he’s essentially ready to give that “yes” to the Lord, and that he’s ready for a new chapter.
“I never thought I would be saying some of this stuff. But I’m glad that I am because I’m ready for a new story. I’m ready for a new story. The scary part is… who will I be if I let go of these things that I’ve always done and known, some of these behaviors. If I even can let go of some of them. And I know I’m not gonna get everything right or whatever and there’s no like… it’s just like, ah… I don’t know man. I don’t even know what I’m saying… I just started praying, but I started praying like… like as honestly as I could. Um, and even honest past that. Like, God, you know… these behaviors I don’t like of mine, will you help me, even though I know that I might do them again, even though I know I want to do them again. Will you come into the parts of me that want to do these behaviors again and help me there. Will you come, you know… will you come all the way to the… I mean, will you come to the… like past the roots.
You know, and being okay with saying I’m not… you know. Like these days, you know, my mother and I have a great relationship and I love my mother. There’s nothing I want more than my mother to be happy, you know? And it’s funny because as she gets older she kind of turns into a little bit more like a child sometimes. And uh… and like the roles kind of like… they guess they switch a little bit and you get to be, um… you get to try to be uh, what you needed in a way. And it’s pretty cool, and that’s a gift, that’s a gift from God, I think.”
He finished up by saying that his old life has served him well… and it has brought him a lot money and fame, and a great career, the platform to even discuss these kind of things, but ultimately, he confessed that it isn’t working and he’s ready for something new, something better:
I don’t know, I’m just tired of living that story, man. I’m tired of that story. You know, I’m tired of that story. I just don’t want that story anymore. You know, it’s been a good story and it served me well… dang, homie, I’m leakin’. It’s been a good story and it served me well, but I don’t want that story anymore. You know, I want something different. Because the more I just tell that story it’s just like, you know, I stay in that world. I stay in that cycle. For me.
And I think, yeah, so I wanna have a… I think I… and it’s scary to say that I want to have a new story, because I’m so used to like how those other feelings work. I know who to be angry at, I know how to operate here, and I know how to operate there, and I know who to not give love to… and I, you know… I know how to make like love like very conditional. I know how to like do all of these, I know how to navigate to keep this f***ed up vehicle down the street. You know? Um… but I think I want a new story dude, and it’s crazy for me to even say that. But yeah, I think I want a new story. And uh… and so that’s one thing that I’m asking God for. Yeah, I’m asking God for a new story. Right? I’m asking God for the next part of me.”
Spiritual warfare playing out right in front of our eyes…
Like I said at the beginning, what just an incredibly honest and vulnerable, raw, powerful articulation of the Christian struggle. And Theo isn’t asking God just to clean up his behavior, he’s asking God to get down into the roots and transform his heart… the broken places in the darkest caverns of his soul. And the good news is that that is exactly what Jesus wants to do… he calls us to die to our old selves, put our faith in him, and let him transform our minds and hearts. Of course, that doesn’t make it easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight… but it starts with the kind of surrender that Theo is revealing right here.
Just dive in brother… give it all to Jesus, and let him wash you clean. He’ll heal you… He started it, He’ll finish it. Keep walking, keep praying, keep reading your Bible, keep confessing, keep pressing in and not only will you have a new story, you’ll have Jesus. 2nd Corinthians 5 says: If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ.
Prayers up for Theo.
Here’s the full pod if you’re interested in the entire conversation:
