JOEY CHESTNUT IS BACK.
Well, he never actually went anywhere. He just wasn’t on all of our TV’s on the 4th of July doing his thing at the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. I’m still upset about that, to be honest…
Chestnut still competed on Independence Day, just not at his regular place of absolute dominance. This year, since he was wrongly banned from the famous Coney Island contest, Joey “Jaws” competed at Fort Bliss against soldiers. Four members of our armed forces grouped together to take on Chestnut on his own, and Joey still won the four-versus-one food battle.
He downed 57 hot dogs in five minutes, while the winner of the Nathan’s Contest ate 58 dogs in 10 minutes. Joey almost beat him in HALF the time. If that isn’t the fakest hot dog eating title I’ve ever seen, I don’t know what is. Chestnut still won in my personal record book.
But anyways, after July 4th, the public usually doesn’t hear a lot out of Joey Chestnut. That changed this year, when the popular wing eatery and sports bar known as Buffalo Wild Wings challenged Joey to be America’s hero yet again by downing an inordinate amount of boneless wings to extend their all-you-can-eat promotion:
hey @joeyjaws if you eat 200 boneless wings tomorrow at all you can eat, i’ll extend it to 8/14
— Buffalo Wild Wings (@BWWings) July 7, 2024
Psshh… 200 wings? That’s all you got B-Dubs?
Joey Chestnut eats 200 boneless wings for BREAKFAST. So he obviously took Buffalo Wild Wings up on their offer, thus once again putting the American people on his back:
Challenge accepted. I'm a fan of your boneless wings! 200 will be a record for generations! https://t.co/2SzFmp7Uzz
— Joey Chestnut (@joeyjaws) July 7, 2024
That was yesterday.
Fast forward to today, where we got a Wilt-Chamberlain-100-point-game-esque photo that Joey downed the amount of wings necessary to extend the all-you-can-eat promo for B-Dubs customers. Just like Wilt’s game, I guess there’s no video of it happening, and that’s a real shame:
Mission accomplished. 200 wings in under 38 minutes @bwwings all you can eat boneless pic.twitter.com/ZIHcxApXMo
— Joey Chestnut (@joeyjaws) July 8, 2024
Release the video you cowards…
American people love to watch Joey Chestnut stuff his face with food, but Americans love great deals even more. So this was a win-win for all of us really, as Buffalo Wild Wings stuck to their word and pushed the deadline for their deal all the way to next weekend:
Man of the people. All you can eat boneless extended to 8/14 https://t.co/2VClVREF0O
— Buffalo Wild Wings (@BWWings) July 8, 2024
God Bless Joey Chestnut… can he not be a presidential candidate?
And while there wasn’t footage of Joey devouring boneless wings (adult chicken nuggets) like a mad man, there was video of Joey Chestnut doing his thing on the 4th of July at Fort Bliss. 57 hot dogs in five minutes is just absurd. No one can do it like Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, and this the only time us proud citizens of the U.S. of A. will happily watch our soldiers lose.
Watch, if you dare:
