March Madness Trend Suggests Teams With “Phallic” Names Are Destined To Upset Top Seeds… And Hello Longwood

Doug Edert Saint Peters

Of all the madness that comes with the month of March, this theory might be the most “mad.”

This time of the year brings out the college basketball expert in everyone. Just last night, I overheard a conservation out in public of a guy telling his buddy that “St. John’s is a lock to get to the Sweet Sixteen.” His argument was pretty sound, but the fact that St. John’s didn’t make the tournament hurts his analysis. Maybe he meant Saint Mary’s?

Usually you want to go to tried and true sports analysts if you are seeking out March Madness advice, but then again, it always seems like the people who know the least about college basketball have the most accurate brackets. You’re almost better off having your pet dog pick games.

When I fill out my brackets, I tend to block out all of the noise and go with my gut. However, I may be in on this Reddit users theory on picking big time upsets early on in the tournament. They called it a “disturbing bracket trend,” probably because over the last three years, “phallic-adjacent” teams have had tremendous success.

If you aren’t exactly following along just yet, simply look to the Reddit post below, which explains that some of March Madness’ top seeds have lost to… teams that subtly imply reproductive organs in the past three years. They also used the pattern to predict a big-time upset for this upcoming NCAA tournament:

“In 2021, 15-seed Oral Roberts defeated 2-seed Ohio State.

In 2022, 15-seed St. Peter’s defeated 2-seed Kentucky.

(Saint Peters Peacocks was a two-fer)

In 2023, 16-seed Fairleigh Dickinson defeated 1-seed Purdue…

In 2024, 1-seed Houston will face 16-seed Longwood. Will they be the next team to fall victim to this trend?”

Are we talking about “dick picks,” here?

Folks, it doesn’t get more scientific and statistical than that right there. As of late, it has clearly paid dividends to put your faith in the phallic teams. This year’s “euphemistic Cinderella” could be the 16-seed Longwood Lancers. And if this trend holds any water at all, also be on the lookout for the 14-seed Morehead State team…

March Madness is the best. And before this year’s gets started, you can relive last year’s phallic upset of Fairleigh Dickinson knocking off the top seed Purdue:

A beer bottle on a dock



A beer bottle on a dock