Why Don’t NFL Players Squirt Their Own Water Bottles? The Kelce Brothers Tell All

Travis and Jason Kelce
New Heights Podcast

Have you ever watched a football game and asked “why do they have people on the sidelines whose only job is to squirt water into the player’s mouths?”

I know I’ve watched a countless amount of professional and college football games, and though I’ve seen the sideline bottle jockeys at work, I’ve never once thought twice about it. I think the only thing I’ve ever wondered is how much those people get paid (it’s allegedly $50,000-$60,000).

And it’s only until now, the year 2023, that we have an answer (somewhat) to that question. What did it take to find out? An investigate journalism piece? A hard hitting reporter with their ear to the ground and their nose to the grindstone? Nope, it was just two white guys with a podcast.

In case you didn’t know, Travis Kelce (tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs/Taylor Swift’s boyfriend) and Jason Kelce (center for the Philadelphia Eagles/Christmas music savant) have their own podcast, and the wildly successful show is called New Heights.

I’m not sure how they find the time to do it, but the two NFL football players release a new episode every week during the season. And more often than not, something that is said on the podcast (usually about Taylor Swift) makes a headline every single week.

They’ve recently made a final ruling on the “Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?” debate, and they also took a shot at a question that not many people knew they needed the answer to. That question is “why don’t NFL players squirt their own water bottles?”

In a segment they called “No Dumb Questions,” someone inquired about the water bottle situation on the sideline, and both Travis and Jason Kelce immediately respected the hell out of the question.

Travis took the first jab at it, saying:

“Honestly, somebody comes up to me with it already (ready to go), and all they gotta do is just go around from person to person and just (ask) ‘do you want one? I can shoot you real quick.’ It’s way easier. I don’t know, it’s maybe not much easier, but it is convenient.”

Then, in an unpredictable turn of events, the older brother Jason took the conversation into a innuendo-riddled mine field, making as many jokes as he could think of about bottles squirting:

“You kind of just know when someone reaches up to squirt ya to just open up your mouth, and then you just get squirted.

They don’t have to do the squirting, you can do the squirting sometimes. When you develop a relationship, you just know when you are about to get squirted on.”

I barely even scratched the surface of what all he said, so you’ll have to press play on the video below to hear the rest of it:

Grown men making middle-school level jokes… now THAT is a podcast.

If you can get past all the immature sex jokes in the clip, the answer to the question is basically “having someone else squirt the water into player’s mouths is easier, faster, and more convenient.”

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