Tom Cruise’s Stunt For The Olympic Closing Ceremony Made Me Realize He Could Easily Be A Flag Football Olympian

Matt Fitzgerald·
CULTURESPORTS
·
Tom Cruise
NBC

It was reported earlier this month that Tom Cruise would pass the Summer Olympics torch from Paris to Los Angeles for the 2028 Games with a Mission: Impossible type of exotic stunt. Sure enough, that came to pass during Sunday’s closing ceremony.

H.E.R. gave us a solid rendition of the national anthem and some epic guitar soloing to set the stage for the symbolic passing of the Olympic torch via Cruise’s leap off the top of the stadium dive, and off he went not long thereafter.

That “had me in the first half, not gonna lie!” meme applies here, because Cruise glided into the stadium, rode away on a motorcycle with the Olympic flag, and it looked like that’d be it.

However, we got him skydiving to the freaking Hollywood sign in an awesome video montage after that to showcase the greater Los Angeles area.

Cruise is as good a candidate as any to carry the USA into its Olympic hosting duties. The Olympics are the highest form of rare entertainment at their best, kind of like Cruise’s pun-intended medley of blockbuster movies.

In a rather tragicomic turn of events, breakdancing will not be part of the 2028 Summer Games in LA. There’s still the possibility it could return in 2032, but let’s just say Raygun (all due respect) didn’t help the cause for its eventual continuation.

One of many Raygun-related memes, that. I would rather watch Cruise as Les Grossman bump around to Flo Rida’s “Low” in a fat suit for hours on end than endure some of those breaking routines ever again. Maybe by the time the next Olympic breakdancing rolls around, the barrier of entry won’t be so flimsy.

Had Tom Cruise floated into his stunt for the 2028 Summer Olympics in Les Grossman gear, he would’ve broken the Internet. Now I’m getting angry that he didn’t do that. Just kidding. Safety above all else! Gotta keep him going till he’s 90 to make M:I 15.

All these trademark Cruise theatrics on behalf of the Summer Games got my brain going. Unless Simone Biles or 39-year-old reigning Olympic MVP LeBron James defy the odds and give us one more Team USA run apiece in LA, my most anticipated sport to watch is easily flag football. Philadelphia Eagles quarterback and global flag ambassador Jalen Hurts made it official that the sport would be debuting when the Olympics come stateside in ’28.

It’s several years away, but is there any chance we can get Tommy C. in uniform? Between that flawless running form across his expansive filmography and his commendable performance in the Top Gun: Maverick beach football montage, we could easily give 66-year-old Tom Cruise some run. You know what they say. If he can play on sand, he can play on land. They don’t actually say that. Trademark, copyright, etc. you heard it here first.

What fun would it be to just demoralize the competition with a bunch of NFL stars? I need American stunt cameos for Olympic flag football like I need oxygen. Speaking of Cruise/Tropic Thunder, it’s not unreasonable to think we could get our GUY Matthew McConaughey some playing time. The man is a gridiron fanatic and a fine athlete in his own right.

How dope would it be to see, like, John David Washington go out and annihilate everyone? Hell, have Denzel get into character from his role in Remember The Titans and help coach the team, too! We could get absolutely silly with this.

Think I just figured out a great cast member for the next Mission: Impossible installment, Tom! Given how great John David was as Tenet‘s spy-thriller protagonist, I believe that’d translate well to the M:I series.

Didn’t mean for this article to spiral into a Trojan Horse of my radical Olympic flag football ideas or big IP movie fan casting, but hey, I guess Tom Cruise got me into the outside-the-box creative spirit. Is it too much to ask, though? As long as we put some fast Miami Dolphins and Hurts/a superior QB like Patrick Mahomes out there, we can afford a few hilarious exceptions on the Team USA Olympic flag football roster.

CUE THE MISSION SIZZLE REEL (and of course, the Maverick beach scene).

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